Randy Johnson Poems

A man ripped me off, he sold me a retired race horse that had been gelded.
He neglected to tell me that and my wife was so furious that I got belted.
The horse that I bought won every time, he never lost a race.
The seller ripped me off so I used a brick to smash his face.
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I moved to this neighborhood forty-two years ago today.
I moved here six months before Elvis Presley passed away.
Crosby Park is the name of my neighborhood.
I've been here for a long time and I'll be here for good.
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The Kool-Aid Man isn't cool at all, he's actually a thug.
He's a low life scum bag who poisons people with drugs.
He puts the drugs in the kool-aid, mostly cocaine and meth.
He doesn't care that his products cause addiction and death.
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I titled this poem 'E.D.' but it doesn't spell the name Ed.
I have erectile dysfunction, I can't take my wife to bed.
I don't get any action because of this limp thing of mine.
It's definitely no fun when a man has a drooping vine.
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The doctors did everything they could to save you but it wasn't a success.
I knew you were dead when I saw you lying on the hospital bed motionless.
When the nurse examined you, she confirmed that you were gone.
I knew life would never be the same and it would be hard to go on.
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When he was born, God gave him a special gift.
He was a British actor who was named Clive Swift.
He starred as Richard Bucket and Roy Bowden in 'Keeping Up Appearances' and 'The Old Guys'.
He was a remarkable actor and it's a damn shame when such a person dies.
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I owe money to a man named Robert G. Durant.
I want to pay him the money I owe but I can't.
He cuts off the fingers of people who don't pay him money.
You may find it amusing but I sure as hell don't think it's funny.
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All I have to do is paint a portrait of somebody being dead and he or she dies in real life.
I've painted portraits of my former boss, my in-laws and I also painted a portrait of my wife.
I've been given a magical power but I don't know where it came from.
My killing spree is not going to end, there will be more deaths to come.
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We are honoring those who fought and died for the USA.
We are honoring our deceased soldiers on Memorial Day.
Many soldiers fought and died so that every American can be free.
They were brave heroes and only communists would disagree.
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Your wife isn't carrying your baby, she's carrying mine.
She wanted me to marry her but I had to decline.
She didn't want tongues to wag about her being an unwed mother.
She was afraid of people's reactions, that's why she married you after becoming your lover.
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