Sarmad Al-Timimi Poems

A. I run back to him..I told him how they deceived me with lies..but he seemed so cold..so I set my soul in fire tell him about the truth.. he watched me in cold blood and said'your late, it's doesn't matter anymore'..
why..it was only 10 months..and I was deceived by lies..I waited 10 years and they feel like yesterday..I burned myself alive for him.. but all he wanted was to get rid of me.. you gave up everything and did this all for her.. how lucky is she..
She told him about their lies, and how they deceived her..but he didn't know that it was only 'one'thing that convinced her to leave..
They asked her 'how could a person like him love someone like you'..'he has everything he is smart he is rich he is handsome he knows everything and he can do everything and he can gets everything he wants why would he chose you..' she told them that she has nothing but it's because he loves her' her uncle and mother laughed at her.. and said to her 'you don't have anything you are not tall not beautiful you don't have an income no job no beauty you have nothing'..they were soooo right..how could a person so perfect as him love someone like her..she had nothing and he had everything.. every girl in this world would wish him, he was a dream.. She answered them 'its because he loved me'.. they laughed at her so hard.. They told her 'he deserves someone perfect like him someone better than you '.. they were so so right.. she kept telling herself 'how could a person so perfect like him chose me, he must have been wrong'..she told herself 'I must have made him unhappy.. I must have been in his way..I must leave him so he can find the one who is perfect like him.. I never deserve and will never deserve someone so perfect like him' so she left and made his Path empty so he could see clear.. but not for long.. she came back running to him and told how they lied and deceived her that he doesn't want her anymore and wanted someone else.. she was young and naive she believed..but not Long and she came back running to him and told him everything what they did to her.. but he was so different and so cold..it just didn't matter for him anymore.. he said she was late..and she just didn't understand why he changed.. she set her soul in fire to win him back.. She begged him..she kissed his hands..She kissed his feet..and his only concern was how to get rid of her..
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B. After She told him how they deceived her with lies, he told her that he needed her uncle and mother to talk to him because he wanted to know the truth..he told her that he would set a meeting and that his father would come and that the truth must be said.. She went to her uncle and begged so hard she kissed his hands and feet to go with her to that meeting and tell the truth but her uncle refused and said "what is said is said and I don't want anything to do with this"..she called her mother and begged her to come back from Iraq but she said that she has nothing to do with it and everything she knew came from her uncle as he was the only one who talked hours with him".. She went to that meeting alone holding the truth.. she wanted to kiss his fathers hands and feet and tell him how they deceived her and lied to her and how much regret she has.. she just wanted to beg him for a chance or just to listen to her…but he and his father didn't want to listen.. he and his father had their decision made..all they wanted was to get rid of her.. she was already replaced and forgotten and they just wanted to get rid of her as quick.. but She didn't want to believe this.. while everyone kept telling her that they don't want her anymore..but she just couldn't believe it and She kept begging him and setting her soul in fire for one more chance..
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C. After non stop begging him..on an evening he called and told her that he will pick her up after her evening classes..they were sitting in his car and finally he said that he would give her a chance and take her back..she was so happy because now she can finally proof to everybody that he really loved her.. but he only had one "condition..to write him a hand note where She gives up all her financial rights..I just wonder if he remembers how she smiled and pulled a paper and pen from her bag and start writing the note with all her trust? .. she trusted him with al her heart.. later that night he dropped her home and disappeared.. and suddenly his phone stopped working.. until they suddenly met on that "morning"..
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D. His phone stopped working and on one night she was so desperate She begged God for a sign of him..

the next morning she was late for uni and when She opened the door they both shocked..as he stood there..he thought She was spying him but She didn't.. it was her prayer..She was astonished as She was looking at a miracle.. he handed her a paper and smiled..
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E. After that morning he disappeared and many days passed and on one day he called her and She was so surprised..She thought he had missed her and changed his mind.. She picked the phone and he kept yelling, insulting and threatening her.. She was so scared and stopped answering him and he started to send her emails threatening her.. She had understand from his yelling and screaming that someone was upsetting his wife or girlfriend.. she didn't even know She was replaced that quick.. and the less She know what he was talking about..cuz he didn't talked to her he just kept threatening and insulting her.. and she did sent him her iPhone like he demanded her..and she did this so he could see She had nothing to do with it..she didn't told anyone about this threatening…even though she still has all his threatening emails as evidence.. she didn't told anyone because she was weak but because She didn't want them to see him like that.. because he was the person She fought her mother and everyone for..and she trusted him, he was the love of her life and She just wanted to keep his image clean towards her family and everyone.. because if they would know how he threatened her.. they will blame her with "is this the person you fought for, is this the person you waited for 10 years and still waiting for, is this the person you still love, they would not only blame her but they would make fun of her and call her stupid for loving him? … She could go to the police with the threatening emails he wrote.. she had all the emails..she had the evidence black on White..or she could sent them to his father like he did with her innocent messages.. she could show his father how he threatened and insulted her for things she didn't do.. she could show them to her parents and brother … but out of respect for him and out of respect for the beautiful time they had she chose to keep silent about it.. she also couldn't believe he changed into a person who threatens and insults her dignity..he was never like this.... how much he must have loved his new love and how lucky she must be that he did all this for her.. he killed a innocent soul for her, whose only sin was to worship him.. he never apologised or told her that he had accused her wrong.. and She don't blame him cuz when people are in love they do crazy things.. cuz he must been in love with someone else..

And I am this stupid girl who will keep finding million of reasons to not blame him..
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F. One day you were putting a wire over the shelf and you found something and called me, I picked it up and it was a big yellow human nail.. I didn't know what it was and I threw it away in the toilet..
And when I left 10 months and came back to you.. you showed me a small paper rolled like a cigarette were inside there was orange hair..
Do you know that the nail was Sihr and means constant fighting.. thats why me and you kept fighting over stupid things.. that's why when we cut our nails we throw them out the house right away..the paper with orange hair i never know what it was.. but as you keep hating me and keep silence towards me it must have done something to you..everyday I protect myself and you by reading Quran and remembering you.. that's why my love and respect never changed towards you..
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G. A. And still I ask myself What will happen to the world if we took 30 minutes to drink a cup of tea together, without me pouring the tea leaves into my cup..and you asking me how I will drink it..and me telling you I always do that…but the truth is, it was just such a fancy cup of tea I didn't know what to do…but it made you smile.. Isn't such a moment of you smiling sufficient for the whole of one's life.
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H. I still wear my diamond ring. I never thought that one day we will be apart. Before I met you, I'd always been on non-attachment and freedom. We only had a short time together, but during that time, all I thought about was how to make him smile. I felt like I belonged. It was "finally home" sort feeling. We were apart for 5 days cuz I was on a school trip in Namur. The day before he came to pick me up I have spent all day mapping a route all through the city with activities, when we finally stood at the top of the cittadel in Namur, we held a picknick with chocolate sandwiches.I was his personal historian guide that day and he was so proud of me. He took me to the river and threw pebbles that perfectly bounced on the surface of the water like magic. Whenever I was with him he made it magic. I love him so much and miss him even more..
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I. I am sorry and I apologise on behalf of what my mother did..and not any apology or words can not explain my regret.
He thought that when I left I didn't care.. every day Of my life I begged my mother to tell me the truth and I kept asking her if she did all this because maybe she hated him.. but she kept telling me that she didn't hated him and that it was just because I was in his way of his happiness and he wanted me to leave to start his life.. my mother knew how much I loved him cuz he saw how he made me the happiest girl alive and leaving him was killing me slowly.. how stupid was I to believe them and not talk to him and being deceived by my mother and uncle.. how will I ever forgive myself.. although I have forgiven my mother and maybe.. if he know how cruel my mothers childhood was he would maybe understand, at age 14 during the war, she witnessed how her mother stepped on a land mine and lost her legs and died, and I think something in that little girl died too..the evil war took her mother, her warm home and dreams..the war destroyed her like she did with me.. she forced me to keep away from him by deceiving me.. but she never ever could Stop me from loving him..after he left her..her mother is the only home she has, a home from iron…
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J. Her mother tells: " Till this day he stands like a mountain between me and my daughter, I still see him in her broken eyes on weddingparties, I see him in her begging to reconcile separated loved ones, I see him in her anger over silly things'..I used my power and my daughter hated me and she still adores him.."
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