William Chaplar Poems

If the English language was indeed one without flaws,
inlaws—once the divorce was final—would become outlaws.
There'd be a whole new way for us to spell words such as sleigh.
And none would be confused when they looked at the word croquet.
...

America, America, sweet land of liberty.
But how could you so easily condone captivity?
Abolition was the call for half the citizenry.
The other half seemed well content with gross iniquity.
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Because adolescence is inopportune,
too many are trying to grow up too soon.
Instead of believing that your life's a flop,
try remembering where you were when the laughter stopped.
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A marathoner starts a race but quits after a mile,
and people ask why he so poorly fared.
It doesn't take a genius or that awfully long a while
for all to see that he was not prepared.
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The world that we live in will not be so wild
in the lifetime of my sister's child.
With the planet, our species will be reconciled
in the lifetime of my sister's child.
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Your portly sister asks you if her dress makes her look fat.
I'm sorry, but there's just one way for you to answer that.
"Yes! " must be your abrupt reply, though it might cause dismay.
'Cause if you don't say what you mean, you can't mean what you say.
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This past year on Saint Patrick's Day, I made a huge mistake.
I made a stupid comment, and it caused a friend heartache.
At a table filled with people, I commented with a wink,
"Saint Patrick's Day's a great excuse for friends to have a drink."
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Why does no one cite Leviticus?
Didn't it have things to say?
People spend the live-long day
repeating what John had to say.
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Kings in the Old Testament numbered a lot,
and few can remember them all.
But even those of us who ditched Sunday school
know Solomon, David, and Saul.
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I hate to think what you've been told
since back when you were four years old.
But just in case you give a damn,
I'm not the man you think I am.
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