William Ndoyisile Somenze

You`ve rised before my blinded eyes, blinded eyes with tears i`ve cried, tears that have been trickling down my face for long, i thought you`d be better, you`d be the napkin to wipe away tears i`ve shed with past years, thought you`d make me glitter, but in vain, you`ve made everything i did worse, made me feel so wrong, like i am living from the back of a hearse, you were a ruinious year,
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Being black hurts,
We try hard to travel in carts,
Whereas we live in shacks,
We compete amongst ourselves,
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I don't expect people to like my illness,
Cause its spontaneous,
Its perilous because it depicts how unique I am,
Yeah I know; lack of wellness,
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i am a broken part that has lost its constituent,
i am a part broken,
its pieces stolen..
a part with emotions swollen.
...

touch...

touch my heart so full of glass,
dont do it much for it may break,
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The world we live in,
its an abyss where lives and dreams are thrown,
where Mothers throw aside their long dresses and get on skirts to tempt young Men,
leaving their husbands in soleness.
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My heart wails, Like A caged bird singing a sadness song,
so sole that it even dances to its own heart beat, moulding potrait of words to endeavor & shudder the loneliness inside its heart like a drum, but it invain,
all it can feel pacing up through its veins its a vast vacantness altering to be some nameless pain.
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i told her how i feel,
i pronounced the feelings inside me,
like a flower at spring,
blossoming-articulating its inner beauti,
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What am I doing, dwelling on these memories of deeds done, that dismantles me & doesnt mend me to be one, endeavoring to excavate facts on acts not done, utilizing the past to justify present failures, trying to see the future through the mirror of negative outcomes of steps mis-taken, what am I doing,
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He stepped on stage, whistle & ululations bid him welcome, after a while
then he was encompassed by inexpressible silence, great anticipations from the audience,
words embarked to mold up from the palm of his mind, with a mic in his hand, they mounted up his tongue, as he prepare to begin his monologue with a lucid prologue:
...

As i walked out that chair packed room,

glancing back meeting your glittering eyes, on your face; a smile,
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Love at first sight,
that ceased shining in my eyes like a night.
it darkned in my heart,
after i realised that seeing you passingby my life was actualy a dream and not a new start.
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It didn't take her to pull a trigger,
To let me know that she can be my heart's slayer,
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Mother died of pneumonia,
Father's life trashed in a car crash,
Hands over my head, a question hollows:
What is life but a piece of trash which can be accidentally crashed like a disease whose antidote has been diagnosed.
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Who'll be first, or may be last,
who'll remain to reminisce on counting losses & faces that death has turned to a wisp of smoke,
Who'll be fortunate of this life,
but unfortunate of his past reigned by tombstones & family name's grave sites,
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They layed on the ground drained of life, encircled by only eyes, & a cry of a broken man, whose wail was like a lone seabird.

He stood there, with wounded vision, of his teary eyes irrigating animate souls, who went on an excursion to satiate a lonely heart.
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Screaming back to the past, calling back what didn't last, what cracked visions envisioned to be righteous to cast.

my deficit breath averts me to go as far as trying to reach back at you.
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I've lived to see the impacts that family politics had on you, how it robbed you off your childhood memories, your smile and most importantly the meaning to your name.
Yeah, I know it's never been easy to live without a mother, but I hope your aunt has mothered you well to not feel the pinch of your mother's death. I am saying this because she single handedly made me who I am and still is. She is the grove of my life after God, I hope she's yours too. She'll always be there for you, she'll teach you about strength, and being a woman that she is today, she'll teach you things that I wouldn't be able to teach you even if I was given a chance.
I love you little sis, I know my words do not correlate my actions, I know you wish I'd show it more, but big brother has flaws and no that's no excuse, I would show it much more than I say it if I did not spend much more time away from you. The distance at which I am also shouldn't be an excuse, I guess this me saying to you NEVER PUT YOUR HAPPINESS IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HANDS.
Sometimes, on my attenuate visits at home, I'd see you as a portrait of pain standing before me, lowered shoulders, sad face and a bowed head. That alone sets a destruction company within me, it wrecks me to ever have peace whilst your peace you've never known. I'd wanna take that away from you cause none of this family curse deserves to be taking its tall on you. As tall as you are, I'd wish you could use a little bit of that height to stand out and tall against all that makes life a process of being unable to jump hurdles for you.
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Cease praying, cease praying for me, i hate seeing you hurting, hurting to have back the son i used to be, one filled with smiles, happiness and liberty.
i`l be fine, you see pain has lost me, it has set a construction company within me to build a boulder, a vicinity around my heart to be vicious, it has darkened my vivid mind and thoughts,
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Of all things i`ve said to you,
my heart is not pounding in happiness,
but twisting and turning in pain...
Is this what you wished me to go through?
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