Archie Randolph Ammons (18 February 1926 – 25 February 2001 / Whiteville, North Carolina)
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Autonomy
I am living without you because
of a terror, a farfetched
notion that I
can't live without you
which I must narrow down & quell,
for how can I live
worthy of you, in the
freedom of you limber engagements,
in the casual uptakes of your
sweetest compliances
if stricken in your presence
by what your absence stills:
to have you, I school myself
to let you go; how terrible
to buy that absence
before the fragrance of any presence comes:
but though I am living without
you, surely
I can't live
without you: the thought of
you hauls my heavy
body up,
floats me around,
gives my motions point, just the thought.
Read poems about / on: school, freedom
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You cen feel the anguish in every word Ammos writes, the man seems to be writing about a relationship which has growing to become codependent, he both wants to seperate from a need to be himself but his autonamy is threatend by his neurosis of thinking he needs that person, fo fullfill himself. This is the catch 22 of love understanding that every relationship needs healthy boundries.
daydreaming with this poem as my soundtrack.