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User Rating: |
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9.1
/10
(58
votes)
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(Let us feel like a war struck child for a second) .
'Kill him too, '
i heard one say
before i become
their next prey
i woke up
in a noisy hall
people all around
like a busy mall
my left arm
and the shoulder
still bled and hurt
i, an eleven year old
weak, and not so bold
'Mother, O'Mother, '
i cried out aloud
none paid attention
though, it was a crowd
A doctor approached
and tried to fake a smile
asked my name
a mere skill to tame
'where is my father
did they kill him too? '
I wept and I asked...
I will never forget
the unbearable pain
of how brutally
my sister got slain
The smile vanished
from doctor's face
what could he say
in such a bloody case
After a long, long...pause
he looked at me,
and holding my hand
caressed my hair,
his one eye was dry
but, the other had a tear
'O My newly Orphaned'
begun he so
'We live, and
we were born
in the biggest prison
of the world,
This was our own home
Palestine is her name
where, its ‘defamed occupier’,
brought itself to shame'.
Ata Khan
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Comments about this poem (Palestine is her name
by
Ata Khan
) |
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comments about this poem (Palestine is her name by
Ata Khan
)
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Enea Di Mauro
(9/14/2009 5:19:00 AM) |
Hello Ata,
First of all I like the depth of feelings in this poem. It also feels very real to me. There are some acute peaks of desperation in it. However it still feels like a prose cut out in verses. In poetry one cannot 'say it as it it', but suggest it. Another way is to present strong images to the reader so that he/she can make their mind up and re-experience the event you describe. but in this case one cannot step back and provide a commentary, like a reporter. Either you 'are' that child who lost everything, or you are the reporter describing the situation. From your bio I learned you are a journalist by profession. Try to be a war photographer and just give a blunt description of what you see with no reporting behind it, or be the child, but it is very hard to do that unless you have experience it yourself. For an example of the child version have a read of my 'Nativity 1967 poem'. for an example of the photographer you can read my 'Air Crash (1981) '. They are both about conflict but seen from two different perspectives. the important thing is to be consistent. Apart from that do keep writing, as you have a lot to say. well done. Enea
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Anu Joshy
(9/13/2009 5:20:00 AM) |
this is the second time you are making me want to cry....awesome....amazing poem....
your kids must be lucky to have a father like you.... only a person with a true heart can write poems like this one.
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3wwad 52
(9/12/2009 6:45:00 AM) |
brelliant poem.... you made me cry
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Ro'ya Abdulaal
(9/4/2009 5:11:00 PM) |
What a great use of descriptive language. You managed to describe the scene very well, I felt like walking and seeing the little boy in front of me. There's passion yet your sad tone is greater, thee's a piece of you inside this poem. Simply amazing
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Yakup Icik
(8/30/2009 5:35:00 AM) |
You look so sad, so depressed, so united in the image of eternal misery!
I've always been sad...
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Glamorous Enigma
(8/14/2009 6:42:00 AM) |
my heart, you quaked...
my soul, you shaked...
it made me cry............... it penetrated my Heart...
philanthropic poem! ! !
Bravo!
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Brishti Mazumdar
(6/30/2009 2:09:00 AM) |
Excellent...bold...my kudos...brother, please carry on....10++++++++++
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surya surya
(6/24/2009 8:14:00 PM) |
very very thought provoking poem on war
well narrated
surya
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Farah Aliah
(6/10/2009 12:54:00 AM) |
I feel like crying.... Palestine will survive
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