To All The Mothers Staring At Yellow Wallpaper - Poem by A.j. Binash
For a moment
She holds her uterus like a child.
Over the steady hum
Of a wall-unit air-conditioner
The receptionist taps a pen
Onto her keyboard.
A clicking noise ensues
Till it’s broken
By the dropping
Of her uterus
And whispering words
That echo inside the
“I need to make an appointment.”
She stops the tapping.
“Alright and how long have you been pregnant? ”
“…how long? ”
She questions with a meek tone of voice.
She remembers the day
She found out.
Staring across the dinner table
Over roast beef coated in gravy
A tiny pile of peas.
Watching him cut
Tiny pieces of meat.
Then placing them in his mouth.
Gravy coating his lips
With each bite.
Causing a smacking sound
To follow each chew.
‘Choke.’ She thought
‘Choke…so this news won’t sound so bad.’
When he turned the television off
And rolled over
On his side to sleep.
She stayed awake.
Curled into a fetal position.
Counting the seconds
Between his snores.
Staring across the room
At their yellow wallpaper.
The receptionist raises an eyebrow.
“Miss…how long have you been pregnant? ”
She shakes her head and clears her memories
Back to reality.
“Sorry…umm…I think about two weeks now.”
The receptionist types something
Into her computer.
She clicks print and grabs a fresh inked paper
Precedes to hand it to the woman.
“Fill this out please.”
The questions are generic medical inquires.
If anything they provide a distraction.
Though she does imagine infant fingers
Grabbing the end of the pen.
Opposing the answers by using weak tugs
To pause the movement of words.
Pulling with all its weak might
…until it gives up.
She hands the paper back.
Following the exchange
Explains how the procedure is done.
With an ultrasound performed
Of an underdeveloped sponge
Will haunt her blinking
Till time numbs the pain.
Your appointment is scheduled for Monday then.”
She gives a blank stare.
Noticing that behind the receptionist
Is yellow wallpaper.
…umm thank you.”
She rubs her uterus
While exiting the building.
“Until time numbs the pain.”
She whispers to her child.
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