alexandria belle cabilida

Is it okay if i said that 'i don't know the girl in me? '
Sometimes i acted so weird and i felt dismay
I hurt their heart and don't know why i did that?
Is it me, who i thought i am, that i am that?
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I whirled around and there i saw,
The guy in my dreams, that he never know,
I looked at him and my heart jumps
I always felt this way as if I was bumped.
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Love is such a crazy thing.You'll get jealous even if you're are not meant to be...Not all maybe, but i'm sure it's true to me.

I met this guy not so long ago. Everything was fine. He was so funny; he was making me laugh. He was so natural that's why I liked him. It was nothing to me then. I JUST LIKED HIM AS A FRIEND.That's it! But that was before!
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I just finished the book “Into the woods” by V.C Andrews at exactly 11: 75. As usual I read because I can’t sleep. Sure, it made me pondered to some lines, scared on the situation that the main character was in, cried, excited to go to the next page, cried again and then again, CRIED.

It strucked my heart everytime I read lines that I’m aware, it’s true to me. As these lines goes;
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I take kindly the counsel of times
that we've been torn...
It's not that, we've decided to
give up the relationship we've own...
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If you could only see,
How my heart breaking;
How much tears that I'm crying;
Asked for someone to stop me from crying;
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I know I would not be thinking this way,
but what could i possibly say?
You are more than a friend to me
but had to keep it, so u will stay.
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I feel great when i decided to get over you. It seems like waking up from a bad dream. I'm not considering you as a bad omen though, the feeling..YES!

Everything went bad. All the good things that was started turned out to be as bad as rainy days.It was so sad that all these things happened because they misinterpreted me. All these things happened because it was so awkward for me to talk about my feelings.
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I'm a little bit tipsy but I'm alright. Feeling unnoticed, unwelcome and uninvited. I pretended to be one of the crowd. I laughed.I smiled.I talked, I'm not sure if they were listening, I assumed they were. I managed to fake a smile when he talked about her. I drunk every turn, even if it's not mine. I wanna get drunk to make me feel numb. i wanted to get dizzy so that I could not hear them properly. I couldn't open my eyes properly, I'm about to pass-out but I don't want to. I pretended I'm enjoying the conversation. I pretended I'm fine, that I will not spoil the night. I'm about to throw-up, it's coming, I was holding it in. I wanted to let him know that I'm good at this. I wanted to let him see that I am strong. At last, I was able to hold it and forgot about it.

I pretended we're okay... that we're actually friends now. I assumed it was fine with me around in the room, IN his room.I pretended we're COOL. I pretended I'm not jealouse. I pretended that it was okay. What i have seen was no malice at all. That it was nothing between him and her.I drunk one shot after the other, but i still feel the pain. I still feel the urge of going out and scream my mind out or perhaps go home. A long sound-sleep might take this evil mind at ease. However, I'm seizing that opportunity to stay the whole night in his room. I looked forward on feeling how it feels to see the morning light with his presence around.
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@ Aug.13,2008

I can't sleep. I find it hard to sleep this past few days.
I know, I've been so paranoid thinking what's going on with you and with her and the other girls.Well, I guess it's time to think myself with others.
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I've known you for all of my life.
But for all those years. i never seen you cry.
I heard you whined, because lot of problems that come in front of your eyes.
Still you stand and strong enough to fight.
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I saw you today.
I was flattered coz you smiled at me.
She said what's there to be happy for.
i said 'nothing, i just remember somthing when i stared at the door'.
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