I just finished the book “Into the woods” by V.C Andrews at exactly 11: 75. As usual I read because I can’t sleep. Sure, it made me pondered to some lines, scared on the situation that the main character was in, cried, excited to go to the next page, cried again and then again, CRIED.
It strucked my heart everytime I read lines that I’m aware, it’s true to me. As these lines goes;
“….Every new feeling, every new hunger, surely must fill us with terror. What if we don’t ever satisfy ourselves? … What if we tremble? ….and see ourselves as failing to find love, to find meaning? How long can we continue…? ”
“What the F*..! ” My mind screamed! Why writing such striking as these lines? It put me into thinking. I just sat there pondering all the things that I’ve been to. The situation I am in right now. The struggles that I am currently struggling [of course! you silly]. Alone in an apartment is really new to me. A big step. It made me excited, though! Imagining things that can happen. I started to smile. Nah… I shook my head slightly. “Im not stupid enough to let things uncontrolable. I had limits. I had set my rules”. At least, that I did.
And then there’s this;
“Sleep became an avenue of delightful escapes. I loved wrapping blanket around myself and drifting into the haze. There are no struggles, no hard memories to confront, no decisions to make. In sleep I was truly free and undisturbed. I felt no guilt. No security. I needed no defense”.
“Yah right! ”. I coudn’t agree less. This has always been true to me. In sleep, I don’t face guilt. No painful memories to remember. No denying. No lies to tell. No pretending. In sleep, I am a new me, no worries and hesitation. It’s just like, taking my life a segue. Putting it to a hault for awhile. REST…. I actually, think there for a moment. What if i’ll never wake up? That will end up life…. MY life! My suffering…my anguish to what I’ve done will be vanished. It delighted me. MY SELFISHNESS! However, it seems that “SLEEP” itself has it’s limit. It’s like it has strick rules to follow. Though, you can overslept…but not forever! . Forever sleep is DEATH. Right, death. Just DIE. Retire and surrender your soul…BE BRAVE TO DO IT!
THIS IS ENOUGH! Damn this book. So much pain. I lose alot of tears. I’ll go crazy if I would go on like this.
Saturday, September 20, 2008