Barbara Korun

in mi je tuj, tuj, ta, ki je volk in se zažre v moje telo od
spodaj, svoj smrček vtakne v vse luknje in liže, čudno je,
čudno, skrivam se, skrčim v svojem telesu, pobegnem v
svojo glavo, stran, proč, bojim se to čutit, bojim se čutit svoje
telo, bojim se čutit njegovo telo, in on se še bolj zagrize,
njegov smrček je gobec, ostre zobe ima in me je, je me kot
mehko, sočno jed, trga, se rine noter med mojima nogama,
z jezikom, nosom, brado, šapami, dlakami, s tolkačem, kadar
se zmore odtrgat od sladke jedi in ga zabije do korena,
še in še in spet, v to telo, ki ni več moje, čisto nasilje, ki ga
dopuščam, ne branim se, a se tudi ne pustim odplaknit, mehka
sem, premika me kot lutko, pomislim, tako je to, on je moški
in jaz sem ženska, tako je prav, tako gre to, tanjša me in
tanjša, samo še tanka opna, tanka kožica me loči od, in
potem se odpre raj v moji glavi, raj v telesu, raj,
ne, ni tisti od telesa; še zmeraj se potaplja vame,
me suva, trga, se rine noter, išče, išče, v meni pa je
polno, dopolnjeno, jasna sem in mirna, tako polna čiste
tekočine, da mi je vseeno, kaj je z menoj, vseeno, če bi
tekla kri, ne čutim ne bolečine ne užitka, a hkrati vem, da
bo vse v redu, volku ne zaupam, ampak vse bo v redu, ta
sila, ki je v meni, je močnejša od njega, ga spreminja,
njega celi, mene celi, celi rano.
...

. . . and he is strange to me, strange, he who is all wolf and eats
into my body from underneath, he shoves his snout into all
my orifices and licks, licks, it is strange, so strange, I want to
hide away, shrink into myself, escape into my head, be away,
be off . . . I am afraid to feel this, afraid of my body, afraid to
feel his body. He eats into me more, his mouth a maw, his
teeth so sharp, devouring me, he is devouring me like a soft,
juicy meal, tearing me open, pushing between my legs with
his tongue, nose, jaw, pelt, paws, pestle . . . he rams it deep, in
to the root, over and over and over again, into this body no
longer mine, a pure violence I permit, I allow, I do not defend
myself but I will not be washed away . . . I am soft and pliant,
he tosses me like a rag doll, I think to myself that this is how
it is, he is a man, I am a woman, this is how it should be, this
is how it happens, he makes me thinner and thinner, only a
thin membrane left, thin skin, thin . . . and then paradise flowers
in my head, heaven in my body, heaven, no, not the heaven of
the body . . . and still he is deep in me, shoving me, tearing me,
pushing deep into me, searching, searching . . . but I am replete,
full and fulfilled, bright and calm, so full to the brim that I do
not care what it is with me now, I would not care if there was
blood running, I am beyond all pain and pleasure and I know,
I know that everything is going to be all right, I cannot trust
this wolf but everything is going to be all right, the power that
is in me now is stronger than he is, this power that is changing
him, healing him, healing me, healing the wound . . .
...

Kako se bolečina izlušči v sad, topel in mil. Prvič začutiš težo telesa.
To, da ne letiš, da si tu. Ker biti tu je naša usoda in prvi vdih krik, ko
zemeljsko vdre v dušo, še vso rahlo. Zato so otroške oči žareče in
jasne, da se v ljubezni sprime, kar nikoli ni bilo ločeno, nikoli. Le
pogledu se zdi, da je blisk rezila spočel hrepenenje, začel meriti čas.
Ker vse je in traja, nikoli ne mine. V drobnem telesu zajeto je vse. V
trenutku, v hipu, in raste in je.

Luč, čista luč pa ima toploto in barvo in trdnost, pripravljeno na dotik.
...

How pain like a fruit unpeels from inside its own skin, warm
and gentle. How for the first time you feel the weight of the
body. Now you are no longer flying, now you are here. Being
here is your destiny, your first breath a scream as the earthly
breaks into the delicate incarnate soul. This is why children's
eyes are clear and glowing, why love joins what has never
been separated. It only seems that the flash of the blade is
what engendered yearning, began the measurement of time,
because now there can be no passing away, not ever. In this
tiny body everything is encompassed - a moment's flash and
now it grows and it is.

Now light, clear light has colour and hardness and heat. It
waits to be touched.
...

Porodila sem ga iz bule na prsih, iz tretje dojke. Dolgo sem ga skrivala
za šali in rutami. Potem je prišlo. Bolelo je. Tisti, ki s svojimi
štirioglatimi prsti iz kamnov lušči oblike duš, mi je pomagal.
Potem sem videla majhno, za pest veliko bitjece, po vsem telesu pokrito
z belim, zlepljenim puhom. Posušiti se mora, je rekel in ga ogreval s
svojimi velikimi prsti. Posušilo se je in zdaj se je videlo, da je bitje
zavito v krila, dosti večja, kot je samo. Ampak ni živelo, ni hotelo, ni
moglo. Kot privid, kot morska pena nama je strašljivo hitro kopnelo iz
rok.
...

I gave birth out of a swelling on my breast, my third breast,
long hidden under scarves and shawls. It hurt as it came. He
helped me with his broad hands, he who husks out the shape
of souls. I saw a small being, the size of a fist, covered all over
with down, white and sticky. First you must let it dry, he said,
warming the creature between his big fingers. I could see as it
dried that this tiny being was wrapped in wings much bigger
than itself. It didn't live, it couldn't, it didn't want to live. Apparition,
sea-foam, it melted in our hands.
...

lahko mi
sežeš v telo
kamorkoli
globoko
kolikor moreš
v užitku
in bolečini
se ti izmaknem
ne morem
se izmuzniti
v jeziku
v besedah
tu
me vdihuješ
vdihneš
popolnoma
...

You can
reach into me
anywhere
deep as you can;

in pleasure,
in pain
I slip away
from you;

in language,
in words,
here
you are breathing
me in,
you inhale me
completely.
...

hladni ogenj mi
liže stopala
goleni kolena
hladni ogenj
na črni skali
hladni ogenj
se poželjivo vzpenja
po stegnih
navzgor navzgor
in navznoter
hladni ogenj
bo zajel moje lase
moje kačje oči
hladni ogenj
plamteč požar
o hladni ogenj
poljublja vroče

gorim gorim
na grmadi čutov
...

cold fire
licks my toes
shanks
knees
cold fire
on a black rock
cold fire
rising lustfully
up the tights
upwards upwards
and inwards
cold fire
will catch my hair
my snake-like eyes
cold fire
a flaring blaze
oh cold fire
kisses hotly

I burn I burn
on a pyre of sensation
...

Ko bom prišla,
ne bom pela.
Samo tam bom.
Moja prisotnost
bo luč,
ki žene rože rast
in ljudi ljubit.

Vse je mogoče, vse.

Iz trebuha
lije svetloba.
Vse je odpuščeno,
vse poravnano.
Vsak list se giblje
v ljubezni.
...

When I come
I will not be singing,
I will simply be there.
I will be light
that makes flowers grow,
prompts people to make love.

Everything is possible. Everything.

Light pours from the belly.
All is forgiven,
all is settled.
Every leaf will be shivering with love.
...

In potem glas reče: Zapri svoj razum, razpri krila in se poženi preko
neba. V krvi vstajajo živali iz stopljenega kamna, morje ognja me
preplavi, jezdim na neznani živali, kosmati in topli, liže me po licu.
Nepregledna množica čudnih bitij, gosli, na katere igrajo žalostni osli,
in jate prosojnih rib, nostalgija. V tem kamnu, v tem vetru delfini z
razigranimi očmi in spreminjaste jate ptic.
Vosek - človeški vosek, sladek in slan, grenkljat - lije iz vseh por in oči
zaliva mlečna kislina zvezd. Venerini grički, mehki obrisi oljk, sladki
vršički iz kandiranih češenj.
Naj se pogreznem vate, milina pogleda, kriki galebov, veter, topel veter,
ki šiba z bičem iz drobnih kamenčkov, toplo pozibavanje oslovega
hrbta, hitre, hladne oljke, morje z globino in barvo, ki obliva glavo in
srce, konec je tožbe, konec je joka, vsak vdih je hvalnica.
...

katera beseda
ti spi na ustnicah
katera

katera pokrajina
žari pod vekami
katera

kateri glas
v školjki sluha
odzvanja

v ognju dotika
trepetavi odblesk
zlatih kril
...

What word
sleeps on your lips,
what?

What landscape
glows beneath your eyelids,
what?

What voice
echoes
in the shell of the ear?

In the delicate fire of touch,
light rippling
from spread wings of gold.
...

levinja je moja ljubezen do tebe. zlata levinja, levinja
z zlato kožo in zlatimi očmi. zmeraj hodi ob meni in ko se
usedem, da si odpočijem, leže ob moje noge kot zvest,
vdan pes. igram se z njo. ležem med njene šape in pustim,
da me prekopicuje kot svojega mladiča. natančno čutim
težo njenih šap in ostrino krempljev. in vonjam sapo mesojede
živali.

zdaj umira, zlata levinja. zmeraj bolj se opoteka za
mano in včasih me dohiti šele, ko že vstajam iz
počivališča. okrog gobca strnjeni sledovi njene krvi, leži
na boku in me gleda z rumenim, pojemajočim pogledom.
levinja, kje je tvoja moč? kam se je izgubil tvoj glas? lahko samo
ležem med tvoje utrujene šape in zaprem oči s teboj.
...

The lioness is my love for you, the tawny lioness
with her golden skin, her golden eyes.
She walks by my side always;
when I sit down to rest she lies beside me,
her face by my leg like a loyal dog.
I play with her, I lie down between her great paws
and let her toss me like her cub.
I feel the weight of her great paws,
the sharp precision of her claws.
I taste dead meat on her breath.

Now she is dying, the tawny lioness.
More and more she falters behind me,
hurrying to catch up with me when I rise.
I see the clotted blood that beads her snout.
She lies there on her side, she raises
her yellow, waning gaze to me.
I ask her: Where has your strength gone?
Where has your voice disappeared to?
I lay myself down between her weary paws,
I close my eyes with hers.
...

Nadme se skloni moški
kot nad vodo.
V ogledalu moje vode želi
videti svoj obraz.
A moja voda je temna,
temna in globoka in
mu ne vrača odseva.
Moški išče, presenečen,
začuden, in bojim se,
da bo skočil noter, vame,
da bi na dnu poiskal
svoj mrtev obraz,
mrtev.
...

A man leans over me
as over water.
He wishes to see his face
in my water mirror
but my water is dark,
dark and deep, will not
give back his reflection.
He searches, surprised
then amazed, and I am afraid
he will jump in, jump into me,
and find staring back at him
his own face there, dead.
...

v črni poletni noči
sem šla na vrt
utrgat rožo zate

borila se je dolgo
z vsemi svojimi trni
šuštela z listi

zdaj čakam
ob oglu hiše
da prideš

čutim
kako drhti
v rokah
kako v temi
izteka njena
črna vroča kri
...