TW: self harm
As I sit and cry on the bathroom floor
How did I get here?
A girl. An abused child relentlessly torn down by her peers in school.
Growing up got harder every year. Some new insecurity or some stupid boy. Her friends leaving, the abuse getting worse.
She was ripped to shreds. She picked apart her appearance in the mirror nearly every day.
She was in such a dark place, she couldn't eat. For days at a time, she would eat only lunch. When what she would call a 'binge day' happened, she felt good. She didn't realize she was slipping into an eating disorder. For years.
She's walking down the hall
Half dragging her feet
Unsure of how she's feeling
Does she want to see him?
I really need you to know that no matter how many times I burst into to tears and clench my fists out of pent up frustration and use all the anger and force in my tone to say 'I hate him.' I don't. I love you and will always love you, just not always in the same way. You are one person I can truly say changed my life. And about the only one that I can say changed it for the better. And for that you will always have a place in my heart. Up until my very last breath.
I can't describe- and you couldn't begin to understand how much I love him. I can't put it in to words. I want him to be happy and successful in life. He deserves the world in my opinion. I want to hold his face in my hands forever. I want to pick out a wedding dress for our wedding. I want to pack lunches for our children. I want to pay bills on our house. I want to gather on holidays with our family. I want the world to be ours.
She's quiet. Careful not to annoy him.
But she's forgetting something. Something important.
He doesn't have the same thought process. He probably thinks she doesn't want to talk to him.
So she starts talking more little by little. Hopefully he doesn't think she's upset with something he said or did.