Herbert Nehrlich Limerick Poems

On the raft down the Mississippi
were the wife and her husband Hippie.
When they brought back the melons
from the striped, shackled felons
...

I see myself in the Jacuzzi
but not with your average floozie.
As I like some pizzaz
I may yet ask Mahnaz
...

There once lived a poet named George
near the Falls of Carnarvon Gorge.
He ran out of ideas
and to us it appears
...

A recalcitrant poetry critic
who was harsh and a bit analytic
was the colour of custard
but the hot taste of mustard
...

There once was a lonely banana
pretty ugly but otherwise sana.
Poet Allan came by
dressed it up on the sly
...

My darling, I have a request.
Would you mind if I held you and pressed
both my lips and my face
to your secretive place
...

There once was a man with no soul
in his life he saw only one goal.
He would stomp, screw and pound
others into the ground
...

On the raft there was Huckleberry
on that day he was udderly merry.
As a bit of a pig
he was fond of the big
...

To the people who visit this place
you ain't part of the same human race
my apologies to
the few normal ones who
...

In the jungle the lion is king.
To placate him the birds all do sing.
But watch out for the leopard
and his guardian, the shepherd.
...

From the top of Niagara Falls,
far away from the big city malls
jumped a tough-talking bird
soon her screams could be heard
...

I was resting my bones and my mind
as my e-mails did get far behind,
when a message came through
and did come from you
...

There once was a sheila named Tara
on the day that she said 'Sayonara',
she was off on a trip
on a paddlesteam ship,
...

There once lived in sunny Tweed Heads
a great poet who had many pets
from a crow who could talk
to a wombat who'd walk
...

On the Vancouver Nainaimo Ferry
lounged in deck chairs Lamont and Sherrie.
It was late and the hour
for their afternoon shower
...

I once dated an overweight girl.
She was cute and her first name was Shirl.
When we tried to make love
after push and much shove
...

He pushed and he strained and he struggled
and she wiggled and giggled and juggled
but they did not succeed
to take care of their need
...

A poem presenting with rhyme
and which follows a rhythm in time
need not be what we call
a true Limerick at all
...

The Indians of Manitoba
grew acres of Ginkgo Biloba.
but the squaws had a taste
made it into a paste
...

A girl by the name of Sonja
asked me 'do you have them on ya'
wants to see every poem
is just dying to know 'em
...

An aging, cantankerous Jew
thought the blood in his body was blue.
Said his Aryan friend
'it's most likely a blend,
...

He has grown, in the clinic, a beard
but the stubbles are rough and much feared
by the soft, peachy skin
of both cheeks and her chin,
...

There was a boy from Baltimore
no peers did like his style
perhaps a haemorrhoidal sore
(they also call it pile)
...

There once was a vermin named Herrmann,
his uncle was General Sherman.
Said the general 'well,
send these poets to hell
...

There once was a copper named Drake,
he was searching the board for a snake
but the snake stuck around
and was thus never found.
...

Have you heard the account of Lord Gritz
he was fond of all innocent tits
he had told his own spouse
that he'd open the blouse
...

I wonder if poetesse Theo
is a Libra or even a Leo.
She will currently need
both to uplift indeed
...

There once was a fellow named Putin
who was highly deficient in Rutin.
quite unable to eat
that disgusting buckwheat,
...

He was known as the local Brownbagger,
in his belt he had hidden a dagger.
As an industry rep
bribing was a small step
...

Wicked weather had hit this small town,
and the mood of the people went down,
Then Stolichnaya flowed
pinkish cheek (y) bones glowed
...

There is little of time we receive
and it never will grant a reprieve.
If you take some, as such
now and then (but not much) ,
...

The Podiatrist Oliver Frist
knew Psychiatrist Frederick Liszt,
when they met at the Pub
in their favourite Club,
...

Der Vater der hatte oft Zorn,
und trug seine Nase stets vorn.
Doch den Blick in die Welt
tat in Beuernfeld
...

Just got finished (some help from a tutor)
hooking up to the net the computer,
somewhat clumsy of hand
though I did understand
...

After drinking a bottle of wine
while conversing with Englebert Klein,
Miss Fellaziobelle slurred
a most out of place word
...

Orthodontists twist wires and braces
and have many unfortunate cases.
But I think they could try
not to twist but to tie
...

There lived in the Oregon Hills
an old hermit by name of Will Mills.
When Saint Helen blew high
old Will Mills was nearby
...

They played with the goddamn Lego
in the Park outside San Diego
'til the cows all came home
then they flew off to Rome
...

While the masses, like auburn-eyed cattle
were engrossed in their meaningless prattle.
An opponent stood tall
with much spunk, all in all
...

I have yet to lay eyes on a bum
without thoughts that include the word yum.
Though I hasten to add
it's a gender-linked fad
...

She was lovely and lacking in warts,
wore no straps and no wire supports.
She could be a mirage
or angelic collage
...

There once was Washington Porker,
where the climate is often a corker.
When he grilled his pork chops
someone called for the cops,
...

Two days then he'll have his vacation
just a time of great consternation,
like two ships in the night
one be high as a kite
...

When the angels shed tears it is raining.
When it thunders it's devils in training.
When you sit on the pot
(in a hurry or not) ,
...

It's astonishing, sweet and uncanny
how the memories of my old nanny
are revived in this place
by that well-hiden face.
...

As the Yanks conquer foreign soil
all the tension rise up to a boil.
Let democracy reign
in Andorra and Spain,
...

I do Not for a moment think
that this site called p/h would now shrink.
It's the garbage man's role
to remove every soul
...

In the winter of discontent
all the people were praying for Lent.
Then came razzamataz
snuffed the one they called Azz
...

Fifty years she had lived with the geezer,
he was ninety and still an old teaser.
He kept saying his EX
wanted twice daily sex.
...

There once was a man from Angora
who had eyes on our sweet Theodora,
she said foreigners will
never fight to the kill.
...