12 Steps Of Bad Poets Anonymous - Poem by Alexander Shaumyan
1. I recognize that I’ve written more trash than anything worthwhile,
And I’m therefore committed to change my ludicrous lifestyle.
2. I give my life up to the Bottle to grant me genius that I miss
And beg forgiveness of bad poets whose asses that I used to kiss.
3. For I’m powerless without it - the mighty strength of Alcohol -
That gives me boundless inspiration, while sitting in a toilet stall.
4. No matter how great the effort, I cannot write a goddamned thing
Without my daily meditation with an alcoholic drink.
5. I drink and I become awakened to all the beauty that’s within
Those sparkling ice cubes in my cognac, my vodka, whiskey, rum and gin.
6. I seek a moral higher ground within my realm of Alcohol,
That grants me peace and inner virtues, that I revere and extol.
7. Let’s drink away our shortcomings until our heads begin to spin,
Until we all become connected to our geniuses within.
8. Let our words become true hammers to dropp upon the sleeping minds,
To guide them from their lives of error, from pastures ignorant and blind.
9. Each day I make another toast to the Holy Ghost of Alcohol
And pray that it may give me guidance and peace to my tormented soul.
10. I’m no Byron, no Shakespeare, no Baudelaire, nor Rimbaud,
But every drink makes me immortal and fills me with supernal awe.
11. It’s when my Atman becomes Brahman, my inner I, the God within,
And I begin to feel that oneness with the Eternal Everything.
12. With every glass of wine and brandy, with every alcoholic drink
I change into the Master Poet, like Rumi on an angel’s wing.
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