A Ballad Of A Virgin Man Poem by sylvia spencer

There was once a man who was
a good old sort but he was very nosy
and he knew too much, more than he
ought. He lived in this world until he was
a grand old age but everywhere he went
he flew into a rage.His tongue always wagged
nineteen to the dozen and thirty when he was fighting
his long legged cousin. He blamed his cousin for
getting him the sack, because he could not
work because of a bad back. His cousin went and
took his job, that was way back in the thirtys when it
was hard to earn a one or two bob.
He was in his youth and Ronny Smith was his name
and what ever he done there always someone to blame.
Like old Billy perkins who only had one eye and the
way he went around you would have thought he was
ready to die. Now old Billy Perkings was once a
Costomonger but he contracted T.B and Ronny started
to call him Billy the One Lunger.
When Ronny was in his teens he felt the need to mate
but most girls thought he had passed his sell by date;
because he had no experience of what it was for, to him it
could have been a cannon waiting to fight a boyish war.
Now Billy had a sister called Polly May and our dear
Ronny asked her out one day, but in came the boot
when he tried to his wicked way.
He then tried his luck with old Maud Skinner and he realy
thought that he was on a winner when she asked him home
for dinner. In the back room the table was laid and everything
was nice, super, and top grade.Then in walked a man of six
foot four and threw trembling Ronny right through the door.
Now this man was our Mauds Brother, and no way was
Maud going to have a lover, because she was old enough
to be his Mother.
Dear old Ron never did get wed so he went through life
without a wife yet Ron he lived to an age that was ripe,
by pulling his fiddle! and playing his pipe!
Now Mr Coleman was the undertaker who was to send
dear Ronny to his maker, but there was no money for a
state funeral so he was put in the oven, where he
met the baker.