A Dirty Secret Poem by John Thorkild Ellison

I went to the cafe today
And listened to the usual chatter,
I didn't have much to say
Till somebody turned to ask
If something was wrong (I didn't look well)
Was anything the matter?
'No, ' I said, 'Why should there be? '
And I joined in the general laughter.

I wasn't going to tell them
What was really going on,
About the turmoil deep inside,
Why should they know my weakness
And the way I've lied?
I'll keep it to myself
And play their social game,
It'll cover up my shame,
And they'll never know about the tears I've cried
Or about the young men in the park.

If someone guessed what I had done
I would have denied
It. I'm not a criminal or pervert
And no-one's come to any harm.
What do you expect me to do?
I'm a law-abiding citizen,
I've got my reputation and my pride.