A Frustrated Lonely Poet Poem by Tebogo Angela Poen

I've been down this road for so long
Giving people words of hope
Words I don't even know how to believe in
As easy as fantasy is to narrate to kids
Sprinkle words of magic and exaggerated miracles
So they go to bed believing
As you turn off the lights and go to war with real demons of the night

Frustration creeps in
When these very words of hope reach the ears made easy to hear
Minds so easy to snare
Yet I still bounce back to this state of despair and pain
My heart cheerfully giving without any gain
This alchemy of singing songs of the rainbow in the midst of the stormy rain

I've turned my life into a sonnet of testimonies
Talking about breakthroughs I could only dream of reaching as if they have been accomplished
Neatly putting smiles on people's faces
As if they've come to watch a show
And after it all, when the curtains close
And the rumbling sounds of cheering and applause
After all the entertainment
Frustration and loneliness creep in
For these words of hope are not mine.. but theirs

When seated alone
I frantically search for my sanity and peace in the
I search for what could have caused some cry and some laugh
Reciting these words to myself
tried them as affirmations
But they echo in vain and intense heaviness of emptiness
They can never heal me, give me peace or sanity

No matter how deep they may sound to you
They keep dissolving away my happiness
Whenever you feel inspired
I'm in despair
I've dug deep in some dirty parts of my soul
And presented them to you as art
So maybe this is the therapy I need
As I'm letting it all out, and you're listening

But you must know
This still leaves me a frustrated lonely poet