A Nice Pub Lunch! Poem by heather sweeting

Never dine at an Inn where the landlord is thin
and the bins in his yard overflowing.
You could share your pies with vermin and flies,
So remember to check before booking
the state of the kitchens, not to mention the staff,
who'll be doing the serving and cooking!
Go in by the rear whilst keeping an ear out
for chattering chefs and waiters,
Talk of 'stewing', 'mashing' or even 're-hashing'
could mean your meal's back again later!
Staff sitting and smoking outside the kitchen?
Just turn and go back to your car,
soon they'll be wheezing, coughing and spitting,
do you need me to say anymore?
Your meat should be tender but not still alive,
reject if you see a slight movement.
The chef may be rushed but he must be aware
of the cruelty laws of the moment!
Telltale brown curtains and cream coloured paint
should alert you to contamination.
Dead flies on the window ledge signal 'beware'
as the place is an absolute haven
for maggots and lice, and probably mice
who have tasted the food before you have.
Leave it to them! Don't come back again,
you'll be glad you escaped infestation.
Folk coming out bent double with cramps
should make you think twice about staying.
It could be the bill that's making them ill
or maybe their food was decaying!
Much safer by far to spend time at the bar
Just sampling the wines from the cellar,
Then with plenty of luck you'll avoid getting stuck
with a bad dose of Salmonella!