Alpha Male Poem by Bridgid Patrick

Had I been born an alpha male
(For sadly I was not) ,
I'd down my bourbon by the pail,
My chili by the pot.
I'd ride a honkin' Harley bike.
I'd tell my boss to take a hike.

I'd be a shameless bimbo hound.
I'd practice every scam.
I'd hit on every Jane around,
Each Nancy, Kim and Pam.
Bodacious babes would lust for me.
I'd be one hunky S.O.B.
I'd break a heart or two or three
And wouldn't give a damn.

My self-esteem would never slump.
I'd swagger, strut, and smirk.
I'd be a blend of Donald Trump,
King Kong, and Captain Kirk.
In every conflict I'd prevail.
I'd make those beta fellows quail.
Yes, if I were an alpha male,
Good God, I'd be a jerk!