And At The Close Of The Day, No One Cared Poem by Benjamin Feliciano

I've too much to say and no way to say it.
I refuse to spit my story with the same venom as I used to.
I'm a ruined man, but its not a financial matter.
I rip the flesh of my throat from the inside.
Failing still to explain the horror.
The gears inside are grinding, no longer well oiled, but still just a machine.
The meter is filling, the steam it rises.
I slam my fist down on the floor, to resonate with my plight.
The inverse of all my hopes squared is greater than or equal to a reason to off myself.
Am I at least mentioned in this book?
An asterisk in fine print?
I've forgotten why I'm fighting,
And examine my bleeding fists amused.
We the great, we the fallen, rise unconventionally.
Glistening with remorse, the echo is too much to bear.
Scratching and clawing at great,
Tripping upon our own confronted lies.
Ripping expectations from procedures,
And throwing the book away.
Backing away from the stage and all that's been arranged.
Retching up sanity into an abysmal pile.
Tears flay the face but still I finish my task.
This must be accomplished, by my hands or another.
Cowardice corrupts the plans and the belt is loosened from my neck.
Tonight won't be the hour I rush toward my death.
Sooner would be better but some things cannot be rearranged.
I couldn't even kiss her, I'd have lingered too long.
So winds the path I'm on, chilling air, setting sun, screaming skin, burning tongue.
Two hundred and twenty three is a long journey,
Two hundred and four from me.
Too scared to draw my straw, I've come up short before,
And memories make me loathsome all the more.
I'd forgotten whats important, when whats important became you.
Failed beyond redemption, although many would claim otherwise.
I know too well that time has put me here.
Rotten words whose pungent smell corrupt pulchritudinous recollections are all that can float from my fingertips these days.
Forgetting the former joys and forsaking the possibility of aid.
By this inescapable reasoning, I'm ruefully scathed.
Stop the breathing. Stop the breathing. Stop the breathing stop the breathing stop the breathing stop the breathing stop the breathing stop the...
Just stop.
Please, just stop.