Argue Or Apologize Poem by Javi Lopez

 I can't stop being egotistic
I can't just be realistic
I want attention, nobody else in mind
At least that's what I've soon came to find

Why should I care
Why should I try
Other people aren't the nicest set
They make me wanna cry

But I actually do that to them
And now i see
The reality and truth
In this scene

I already loathe myself
And I care more about others
But most people never thought so
You showed me that and another

To you I ask a question
Are u okay?
Is anything wrong
How was your day

I really want to kno
Because i care to hear you
I care about you
And I want to be near you

Can you believe me
Maybe I'm just repremanding
Lying and caniving
To just keep me standing

No I'm not lying
But I do hate myself
Everyone knows why
I'm serious about myself

But I care less
Why should I even try
I'll just leave everybody alone
And just walk off and die

But you wouldn't like that
I know it's true
Killing myself
Would displease you

I'm sorry
I can't stress that enough
But when we fought I couldn't stop crying
I couldn't stay tough

I hate it when we argue
Because it hurts me to know
That I hurt you
It makes me feel so low

I'm such a jerk
A bad person to all
Yet you don't seem to mind
Which I applause with awe

Don't worry about me
I won't even worry
Only about other people
My lifes jury

What to say, if I could
A few simple words
I care about most everything
Including all the birds

All my friends, My family
All the trees and the sky
But you seem to top the list
Which is why I try

Not to get you mad
And brighten your day
But I couldn't do so
So I'll just fade away

No I won't leave you here
I can't go on without you
It would probably hurt you also
That's why I have to be around you

I can't look at myself
The mirror shatters easily
Why the freak am I complaining
I don't kno it's just me

Look understand
Even tho It may not look it
I care
But i'm just crooked

Judge me as you wish
But I know who I am
And I don't like myself
And all I can say is dam

I'm just an egotistic
Annoying little brat
Who is so selfish
And wants attention like that

I'm surprised even after all that
Youre still my friend
You must be tolerant
And I won't let it end

Just don't leave
Don't go away
I wouldn't do that to you
Any day

I can't change your thoughts
But just kno I do really care
I'm your best friend
If you still think we're there

If not I understand
But I'll still be there
I'll still be your best friend
I'll always care

Sigh...
As I'm here in my room alone
12 Am
Typing this on my phone

All I can think about
is how sorry I am
How I would never want to argue with you
I'm so sorry

I don't ever want to hurt you
Or to make you mad
Cuz I kno afterwards
I made you sad

I made you wanna cry
I feel like a freaking jerk
I'm just horrible I know
I'm sorry you had to deal with all this work

Having to see me each day
And deal with me
Wow I can't believe
How tolerant you must be

You feel bad
I want to know
What's causing your pain
I need to know

It's not about me
Or I or myself
It's about other people
Especially you too well

Let's just stop talking about me
For a good long time
Because I think now
It'd be considered a crime

I love you so much
I'm suprised you hang with me
But I won't talk of myself
Just all others around and you not me

Can we never fight again
I can't bear the thought of hurting you
And I kno that I did
When I talked about me not you

When you were feeling blue
I didn't talk about you
Now I see it's true
I have to stop being about just me and be about you

Sigh...
I'm sorry
I wrote this for you
I couldn't sleep
I couldn't stop thinking about you
Don't be sorry
You did nothing wrong
You were right
And I was wrong
Can we please never argue
It tears us apart
It makes us cry
And hurts our hearts
I can never not care about you
Even if I am egotistic
But Its amazing how you manage
To deal with me being self sufficent
Just kno I love you so much
You could be mad
You have all the reason to be
I didn't consider you
Because all I considered was me
I'm so sorry: '(
Let's just move on please
I don't want this to affect us
I don't ever want to make you mad
Or sad or cry or feel bad
I want to make you happy
But i need to be more considerate
Thanks for teaching me that
And I'll be a lot more into it
Let me end this now
I kno it's a lot to read
But if we could just please
Let this pass
Cuz I kno I hurt you
I cry thinking about what I did
I don't deserve someone like you
But you picked me
And it made me happy
I need to try
To make things better
For us being together
Im sorry love
Just forgive me please
And let's move past this
So I could work towards making you happy
I love you
I always will
I'll be there
And still and still