Ryan Sanders

Rookie (Alaska)

As I Walk... - Poem by Ryan Sanders

As I walk along this unknown path of emotions
I find myself in front of a mirror...staring at a sad eyed
soul with rags of despair draped over its shoulders and
an anvil chained to its heart. What is this? I ask
myself and the answer comes to me...
This is you, how you feel on the inside...you are a torn
soul, lost and confused while laden with despair and
a heavy heart.
This I already knew...

I lower my head...
What am I to do besides go on and hope
that I make it through the day without
choking or crying? I am only so strong
and this trial has pushed me beyond those limits
of strength. It's ok though, I am not ashamed to admit
that I have cried over my actions and feel regret and
despair. In admitting this I find my humanity, the part of me
that beats to the steady rhythm of my heart...this heart chained
to an anvil in symbolism of my regret and pain.

I look up into my own eyes and see
red circles, what I have done to myself?
More importantly, what have I done to her?
This expression of despair and regret does no
justice, it only scratches the surface...

Staring at the mirror for hours I find that each
rag of despair recedes...the anvil grows smaller as
each link in the chain slowly dissolves. Over time, I know
now that I shall heal...but what does it matter? I'll live
with this for the rest of my life. I may heal but when...when
shall I forgive myself? When will I be forgiven?

I turn my back and walk down
the darkened path of despairing emotion.
I feel the mirrors glare on my backside,
I wonder if my reflection stayed put and
holds a knife?

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Edgar Allan Poe

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Poem Submitted: Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Poem Edited: Friday, April 15, 2011


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