Bali 22/7/15 Poem by John Mackinnon

Bali - 22/7/15

'It's the not knowing' you said.
'It's the not knowing when'.
That's where we left it.
I had no words then
No answer to your eyes
Imploring
For my understanding.
'Here is no quality of life.
This is cruel, It isn't kind,
All dignity gone'.
For the one word
That was gnawing
In your fears
'Incontinence'
Had come.
'Tell them, tell them will you?
They should help me leave.
Promise me
You'll tell others
About me.
About this? '
In my own discomfort
I tried a joke
'Yes Dad,
I will tell them
All about Euthanasia.
Those folk are just as bad
As the youth
In Australia'.

What can I say?
My cruelty then,
Now burdens as a yoke.
'That's not funny old chap'
You said in your good old
English way.
But now after one year
You come back to me
Like this.
I sit by our Bali pool
With tears streaming
In the afternoon sun
Through coconut oil
That cannot stop
The burning.
'I'm sorry Dad,
Is it too late
To tell you
I am learning,
Can I be heard? '
Oh, that all these tears
Could wash away
Those spoken words
Of mine.
'I will tell them Dad,
I will tell them all in time.'

John Mackinnon 22/7/15