Betrayed By Health And Psychiatry Poem by James McLain

i sat down,
and filled out an online questionnaire,
that they didn't even write.
they wanted me to lie,
finger tapping,
like a slow drumroll before the painful hanging.

have you ever felt hopeless?
who hasn't?
do you ever think of dying?
don't we all?
do you hear voices?
only the single one that keeps me company.

the questions were rigged,
like a loaded deck,
at the hard rock casino here in Tampa.

she wasn't even a shrink,
and now her words almost decide my fate,
words scribbled for a paycheck
stamped official by women in white coats
who don't care if I make it out alive.

they called the sheriff,
had me cornered,
had me drowning in fear,
be honest, but not too honest,
or we'll make the choice for you.

betrayed by health and psychiatry
betrayed my childlike trust,
betrayed by a system they help fix,
that never wanted me well,
just wanted me quiet.

i am,
closer to seventy than to sixty,
why don't I have the right to have some control over what I put into my body?

the same control that they want over
their wombs and vaginas.