Confessions Of A Dead Cat Poem by Mark Heathcote

I'm a realist
I'm not a pessimist
I had nine lives
now I've none at all
I'm the only cat
to fall off a wall
and not land on all fours.

I'm a realist
I'm not a pessimist
I had nine lives
now I've none at all
I'm the only cat
to-get-gingivitis
even before I could-hairball.

I'm a realist
I'm not a pessimist
I had nine lives
now I've none at all
I'm the only cat
cat in a hat
to get fired from a cannon like a cannonball.

I'm a realist
I'm not a pessimist
I had nine lives
now I've none at all
I'm the only cat
the owl and the pussycat
who went overboard down a waterfall?

I'm a realist
I'm not a pessimist
I had nine lives
Now I've none at all
I'm the only cat
Who went Christmas Shopping?
Stampeded, crushed at the shopping mall.

I'm a realist
I'm not a pessimist
I had nine lives
now I've none at all
I'm the only cat
who sat in the jaws of a crocodile?
To be eaten by another dinosaur.

I'm a realist
I'm not a pessimist
I had nine lives
now I've none at all
I'm the only cat
that can't find love, sing a note
and yet they still say I'm a troubadour.

I'm a realist
I'm not a pessimist
I had nine lives
now I've none at all
I'm the only cat
to climb the bough of a tree
and fall from a fell sycamore.

I'm a realist
I'm not a pessimist
I had nine lives
now I've none at all
I'm the only cat
who drank neat salt water by osmosis
and-thereafter-visit the seafloor.