Confused Fool [rev] Poem by Margaret Alice Second

I can't eat, can't sleep, though I keep eating and
suffer nausea because of it - I can't think - can't
rest at night, my eyes won't close & let in sleep
for fear of passing time & my daughter leaving;
wide-awake it seems time slows, that it will be a
long time before she goes -

How pathetic this is, how stupid of me - I take
my sleeping pill every night and it doesn't help,
the little alien in my head won't shut down, only
allows me foreboding something bad's going to
happen, an adventure so good for my child which
feels so bad to me, permanently nauseous -

I chew frantically to appease my fearful heart with
food, try to defrost my frozen mind, follow routines,
but my head hurts such I'm imprisoned in my skull,
I can't socialise with colleagues or continue with my
duties, the Duchess cleverly told me to Skype in
future when I miss my child - but I won't be there to

Protect her; the fact of the matter's I don't want her
to leave - I want her home, to see her cheeky face,
enjoy a group hug - watch Japanese animations
with her, teasing 'til she chases me from her room -
I don't want her to go; fatigued I wish to sleep - but
can't close my eyes, can't read, can't watch TV

Wide awake with a useless, frozen brain, anxiety
changing me into an irrational, useless, confused
idiot who doesn't know what she should do…