Consistent Depression Poem by Sara Hol

I fall into the same routine today,
again I have forgotten how to feel
everything seems fake, reality begins to unravel,
I begin to grow desperate to feel anything
that I initiate physical pain upon myself.

I really wish I could be 'me' again
to laugh without restraint
to smile without the pain..
I am sick and tired of being void of my emotions
being numb, a curse and my secret devotion.

Why does life insist on kicking me when I am down?
as another depression lurks behind the corner
its becoming hard to forge a smile
to mask my pain beneath the surface,
the little things that once occupied me
have died and are unimportant.

I keep counselling myself that things cannot remain this way
to keep hope, along with my sanity
yet, my days continue to end in tragedy and pain.

Misery envelopes me by my unattached veins
constricting me,
forcing blood to rain on my parade.

...I just want to be happy.