Contemplate Poem by Compton Wright

My thoughts contemplating my life I lived though
Did I fulfill my dreams, my desires and my goals?
As I lived a double life from the perfect gentleman
From becoming a lone wolf towards the streets thrills
By day I’m a supportive best friend and best boyfriend
By night I’m a lost soul wondering the city lights of DC
These emotions that lingers on my heart and pound my nerves
Telling me to be one person, to be myself and become at peace
But can I do so as everyone I knew loved me for I used to be
But the next minute I’m on everyone’s hit list for termination

My past, my secrets, my lies that showered my sweetheart with
Making her think that I loved her but in reality my eyes are set
On her total opposite best friend who is kind, innocent and pure
But her intentions are only friendly but lust is growing within us
As feeling this hidden love for you is strange and unimaginable in this heart
As every time I hear your voice it causes conflicts with my faithful purpose
My faith of love and passion as I can’t take it anymore to keep us together
As keeping this friendship as best friends is killing my nerves critical state
Maybe I need to contemplate my whole purpose on this earth so far
Why I really here? Why I really think this way about trust and love?
Why do I still feel love for my lover but knowing its false love?
But I can only answer one of those questions in my mind so far

As in my eyes she puts her own soul for our love than god’s love
Disguising my emotions showing no pain, no remorse, no troubled doubt
But I can’t breathe, I can’t feel, I can’t think as am I doing this for her or me
Praying to our father to not let my past break me but make me stronger for the future
Don’t let my heart sink into the lies and the guilt but let it shine as refined love

I contemplate on my friends as are they my friends or are they my enemies in masks
Are they really dependable or is it every man or woman for themselves to survive here
As high school is over and college and my adulthood starts but my father was never there
So my adulthood start early for myself as I had to walk the footsteps of a becoming a man
Why struggle through these hard trials? As I continue to walk through the frozen blizzard
The world continues to throw hardships towards me and others to fight the temptations
Of crime, stained sins, and blood thirst for the greed of money in our eyes to obtain

As all of these questions come into mind from trying to understand the world’s decisions
As I contemplate on life beliefs and my purpose of existing on a world of war and hatred
Let me contemplate, medicate or even ponder upon the mysteries of life, religion and god
As it’s never too late to question what truly reality or what limits we can really stop from
As contemplating your surroundings and your existence than you can really have what everyone wants….the sheer essence of true reality