Adrian Carrillo

Rookie (11-14-1988 / El Paso)

Contract To Contract - Poem by Adrian Carrillo

just go

what was my split...i'm just sick
no biggy no really
its nothing to note
nothing to jot down.

just please pick up the pen
its happening again...i feel boxed
i was boxed in.
i couldn't move.

i couldn't move....
motion sickness...sic.
so many goodbye's...

motion sickness...sic.
i'm just a lonely sail
hovering something huge...something lucid
but i'm just a passerby glance. not worth a second..

i went faster than that. i lost by another second....
glances is the closest i get to touch...
i miss nothing so much i miss something so little

motion it comes again...
just a lonely white flag in a lonely white sky
complexion is fucked as the 'gulls just swing by..

they're tired of that place too...i don't blame them
i mean who could stay....i just want to sway...
i find that life is easier...when its just a blur

theres no details to.....confuse......
you're damn right i am...i am.....
me? ? ? .....what i'm after? ? ? ? ....

what anyone wants me to be sometimes...
to anyone who gets close...
only i don't talk....i just sit...observe..

i analyze while they finalize their decision on me..
no personality...bad individuality...bad blood runs red...
or blue...not true blue 'cause when you let it free it turns red..

blue's dead...head hurts and whats worse is....i can't remember how or why..
i've been passed by again...she seemed nice...
even when i get it i don't follow it...advice...

no one knows what they're talking about....
they just know they're talking....filling up the void..
filling their want for noise...but not too loud or the neighbors might hear..
how queer that'd be for them to see how this is troubling me and they'll ask.

why? how?
i don't want to go another fucking statistic...not me...never will be
i signed this 'contract' before i could mind...

i've been 'kind' but only when they decide upon impulse to take a chance...
to give me another glance...
if you've made it this far then you're probably one.....

motion sickness.....sick

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Poem Submitted: Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Poem Edited: Monday, April 25, 2011

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