Crocodile Skin Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

I walked another endless mile
to spot at last, a crocodile.
Had heard from knowledgeable mates
and Publicans in hot debates
that one must nowadays acquire
an extra belt, just like a tyre.
To ward off bullets and mean words
and deadly rays as well as turds
so what I needed was a beast
of thirteen metres, at the least
I'd jump upon its beady eyes
and soon you'd hear those desperate cries,
I have a novel theory
and dentistry is here the key.
You see, if one can separate
the upper from the lower plate,
and dislocate the jaw at once
(you'd need the strength of several Huns)
the beast would be out of control
unable to perform the roll
that crocodiles are famous for.
Well, here I am, a moonlit shore
and there it is, a silent ripple
a stab of pain affects my nipple
but with a leap of faith at last
I hurl myself and fly right past
the monster of our waterways
I see him coming, in the haze.
A croc can swim a little faster
he is the undisputed master
and as he comes to now ingest
my body I shall do my best
I grab the mandibles in back
but right away, I feel the lack
of powers needed to succeed
his bite now crushes, makes me bleed
the battle rages just a minute
as to his skin, I soon am in it.