Dark Secrets Poem by Midnight Clarity

Sometimes I sob
in the dark
in my room
wrapped in night
and my blankie
weep for the games I will not play
dances undanced
for tall young men unloved, uncherished
as they sweep me off my feet
i weep from the unending fears that build
of stairs of falling
of being weak
and letting down my friends
who think I'm going to beat this -
well so did I until it hit the bone
intruded, uninvited, full of bright sharp pain
into the bedrock of my me
i cry because no one wants to talk to me
of dying, taking that last great step where suddenly I stop
whether I'm ready or not
so I am making dark and secret plans
Donna Summer and Last Dance my exit tune
caviar canapes and cucumber sandwiches
champagne for those who drink
bright stuff that fizzes for those who don't
and I will be there twirling
laughing and kicking up my heels
all six inches of them
and flouncing my skirts over a foam of apricot lace
at the knee
stealing ghostly kisses that tingle
from all the best mouths come to sing me home.
and if no one is there I shall disco till dawn
because I love being alive
and I can play pit bull
when I need to.