Darkest Day - Carolyn Passes Poem by Terry Brewer

7.30am
2nd February,2011
The telephone rings
It is Reston Hospital
‘I'm sorry Mr. Brewer but Carolyn is unresponsive'
The world stops
Time is frozen
Grief floods in
There is no sound even from the phone
Somehow I am somewhere else
Not of this world
Sometime later reality creeps back, slowly
Through the terror and the grief
I hear a voice
‘I'm so sorry but can you come to the hospital now'
And I realize the horror of the situation
How could this happen?
Last night when I left you were asleep
Comfortable, breathing easily with no distress
Better than you had been for days
Excited for Penny and Katherine's visit
I felt good for you and slept well last night
How can you be dead this morning?
Now you are so still just lying there
Wearing your DNR bracelet
It is time to say Good Bye
I kiss your cold lips
They are unresponsive.

It is not Good Bye, it is just adieu
I'll never say Good Bye to you


Emerging from the doldrums
Reaching for the light,
Is it worth the trouble
Is it worth the fight?
Why not simply settle
for the darkness of the night?

Although
I know
This is not how you would want me to be,
So I need strength to fight the grief
And to celebrate your life
As you would want me to
And as you did so well
You had the strength
To appreciate each and every day
And spread your positive energy
All around you
Like life giving dew upon the morning's dawn
You are an inspiration
And triumphed over your adversity
You lived your life your way
And I do miss you so

I know you are at peace
This gives me some solace
You never complained, not once
And fought till the end
With confidence and mental strength
‘It will be alright, you'll see'
You would say to me
When I needed your support

It is an inspiration to know you
A great comfort to call you ‘friend'
An honor to love and be loved by you
And a pleasure to have shared my life with you

We will live on with our memories
That time cannot take away
Though time will try
There are so many, most happy but some sad
All are good, none are bad