Darkness Poem by Joyleen Heneker

Standing in a corner
Feeling cold and lone
Nothing else surrounds me
Darkness is all around me
Flooded memories
All there is, is pain
Feeling all this torture
When will I feel real again

Nothing seems real no more
Not even myself
I look deep into mirrors
And all I see is lame
No sense to make off all this mess
And no one else to blame

Feeling guilt is all I know
Hating is what I’ve grown to know
My heart has blackened
No happiness deep inside
No laughter coming from my mouth
Just screaming is all I hear

I seem to shout so loudly
But no one else can hear me
No one to heal my pain
Or take away this ugly weight I’ve gained
Trying so hard to be happy
When faking is all I know
Lying to myself every day
Thinking things will some day change

Staring at the numbers
Standing on It 7 times a day
The digits always change
3 kilos I gained tonight
3 kilos extra to loose
When will I see the real me
When will I except the way I am
Who am I trying to kid
What approval am I after?
Who do I need to impress?

Is darkness all I know inside?
The shade that hangs over me
The death the surrounds my thoughts
And steals my soul away
Why do I want to see my blood in all these different ways!


Why do I think its poison running through my veins?
I cut so deep and deeper each time
Why isn’t this scaring me?
Or do I like the pain?

Why do I contemplate and couch each tablet I take
Take more you’ve only had 4
Why do I think this way?
What’s so bad in my life?
That continues to stick around
Does my life have purpose?
Or am I here to blame?

Am I just an attention seeker?
With no life of my own
Trying to seek sympathy
For some thing so unknown
Why wont know one listen to me
Or aren’t I speaking clearly
Am I even using my mouth?
To get the help I need?

Why do I feel so shut off from the world?
Feel so different to every one else
An outside, alien
A fatty a side show freak
What is so different about me?
For what I see is criminal
Why am I always guilty?
Why do I hate company?
Or help offered to me
Why am I scared of reality?
And the way things just hit me
Why does my head just spin in constant circles?