Friday, February 18, 2005


Rating: 4.3
Dragging a ragged cloud of changed addresses and broken trust
Stumbling away from forgettable months
Defensively clinging to the name of a ghost
That stares accusingly from mirrors -

Salvation lying forever around the next corner
Past obstacles best left til tomorrow
Eyes fixed on images that might be mirages
On the horizon, out of arm's reach -

Unwilling to face those left behind him,
In fear cold and nameless and dark.
Teeth bared at the morning to snarl at the wind
As empty an action as always it was -

To run on the knife’s edge without looking back
Unable to look forward without chancing a slip
Caught in the moment by self-preservation
Forced to live each day as it comes -

A dream turned nightmare come true.
Patrick McFarland 18 January 2008
I don't know James. I kinda like this one the way it is written with the last stanza intact. There is a fine line between cliche and metaphor. Cliche's come across as tired and overblown while metaphor's are poignant and in the now. No part of this poem seems tired to me. I give it a 10.
1 0 Reply
James Atkins 25 March 2005
Yep, looking back at it, that'd be a better place to let it go. I hate falling into cliche
0 1 Reply
Poetry Hound 25 March 2005
I love this poem right up to the end. The last stanza gets a little weak and the last two lines seem cliche to me. But excellent images throughout the rest of it. In fact, I think the first three stanzas stand on their own as a single superb poem. Ending with 'As empty an action as it always was' would be quite strong, IMHO.
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