Dr. Schweinsteiger's Heartache Remedy Poem by Richard George

Such a long face!
You have broken up wih your Helen?
I am sorry - truly.
Let me bring to bear the arsenic cure
of cold philosophy.

Your inamorata's visage -
is there any part you don't like?
There is always one, believe me. Re-
align around the fault -
a caricature.

Now extend this to her whole physiognomy -
too big at (a) , too small at (b) ?
Is she pear-shaped,
spindle-shanked, flat-footed?
Doubtful odours?

Schnell, before you relent -
defects of personality.
Couple each with a physical flaw:
a bulbous end of nose, for instance,
with superciliousness.

This, I guarantee you,
works. I haven't been in love
since 1963.
Girt with these weapons,
Menelaus would have laughed.