Dreaming Psychosis Poem by Mpheng Magome

My mind cannot be trusted, diseased and illogical as it is.
When I am most vulnerable, it attacks me. Traitorous.
For years I've barely managed to keep the thoughts at bay,
But my mind has taken the lies that were keeping me together away.
When I sleep it turns on me and shows me things,
Slashes at my core with painful, torturous dreams.

I saw him again.
I touched him again.
I loved him again.

I woke up shaking, exhausted and raw,
Realised that my self-deceptions wouldn't work any more.
The dismantling of my armour, the destruction of my defences
Brought me to my knees and I am furious.
But I have lies to fabricate, a better delusion to find;
At least until I am betrayed, once again, by my mind