Ear-Aching Hearbeat Poem by Alecia Nak

The time strikes midnight and my eyes drooped terribly with tiredness
why not get some sleep?
is that even possible? probably not
its my heart inside me beating restlessly
I tossed, I turned, skipped, jumped around
reversing every move trying to make it stop; ordinary?
every pump of my heart is like sleeping in a city with cars honking
construction work site, trucks passing by, people talking an laughing
it was beating like it was missing half of the percent of blood in my vein
felt like as if I was running away from the fear of loving you
in a city so big there was no way I could navigate through the tension
of your ear-aching heart beat that keeps translating
I want you I want you I want you I want you I want you
Truthfully I don't want him, I want to tell him I miss him
he is no more than a boyfriend no more than a friend
a somebody in between boyfriend and friend
He's that person I can trust....
I carefully sat down and listened to the beat of his heart;
trying
my best to understand what he wants
the only thing I hear is 'I want you, but really its a lie'
Breathing in to hold every tear drops
in
out
shivering shaking slightly
I burst into tears
crying turns to fit, fighting away the pain, controlling
nothing but the controls of your heart; pulling away your airways
making your heartbeat stop
I yell out 'why are you doing this to me? '
looking up to stop the flow I quiver because I'm hiding the fact
that I can't tell you that I want you when you only wanted to hurt me
I love you...
it's called trusting you and knowing you as a friend before we got together
tears were flowing so fast I hardly could breath
my inside literally wanted to burst open
If I ever do, I hope my spirit will be handed over to him
knowing that every slight second you won't be here is aching
I hope you understand