My Feelings For Him Poem by Alecia Nak

My Feelings For Him



Sitting on top of the cold wet sand
I picked deeper for more, I dug deeper inside my own thoughts for answers
your heartbeat that plays uncontrollably;
I wonder why your heartbeat brings me to life
sometimes the beach gives me the solution to why; to all the whys'
sometimes I figure out why I'm so dumb
sometimes the cold breeze shakes me hard; hard enough for
me to realize how much I've been suffering
sometimes when I see him I want to avoid him
I just start to realize how unimportant, unreal and abusive he was
I realize so much that I get so scared of what I've been through
I give out a little laugh, now that I know how much I loved him and wanted him
I'm done I don't need him anymore if his heartbeat ever
gets to me I will run straight through the beach and drown
drown away all my fears he given to me
His heart I carried inside; I have always listened to his
cold heartbeat; it leaves me to only one solution
and the only thing I've ever wanted to point out is:
Has he ever loved me?
your always leaving me speechless when you talked the:
I love yous' and the I will always be with you
the words you persuaded me in and made me
believe and allowed me to open my heart; your heartbeat I heard
when we first met; it played slowly and gently
it made me believe you would always love me
every night I would hear your beat
every night it would be the same rhythm
there was only one night it went cold and fast-paced
I thought you were dieing, no it was not that; it was a warning
telling me I should leave you
as much as I loved you I couldn't leave the haunting
of your heartbeat; it followed me, making me want you;
one night I couldn't hear your heartbeat; it felt as if you ripped
the entire heart out of me, not only did you take yours
you took mine and never placed it back
I felt more than dead, I felt as if you meant to do it.
If you ever decide to give my heart back don't apologize
but give me an explanation, so I don't question my whole
life with full of whys', maybe later in life I will eventually forget
you but I won't ever fall in love again because I lost everything
it's not a promise nor a threat but I can't seem to find a meaning
I love you and I will miss you but not enough
for me to fall back in love with you boy

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