Ehli- Nothing But Rubble To Call My Own Poem by Stella Andrews

ehlilow the dee-di-drone
you rumpled my heart
and broke your way in and
laid your eggs

i swallowed my fear and i
believed that you were real
that you hear me understand me
would protect me

myself i am me
i am the only one who i trust
i love me and i hold me close
but i now let you hold too

i don't belong anywhere
and i feel like a burden
like a pimple or mold
growing in places unwanted

i don't have a family
just like any other people
that seem to gather
that i dont belong with anymore

runnning away to a place
where such evil lerked
learning what real pain is
how decieving people really are

feeling crooked in a straight world
i thought you were crooked too
that you were part of my world
not evil like the rest of them

against all my will i let
myself fall in love with you
ehli i trusted you
the only one since ian i ever have

I knew the end before it began
i loved you with all my heart
and gave myself all to you
it made me happy to make you happy

i'd given my life for you
spend every cent needed and more
find a way what ever the path
just to make you happy.

we were so perfect
we laughed and fought and teased
your eyes and smile are burnt into my eyes
your voice circles in my mind

men were no longer any different
to women in my eyes.
you were the only mman on the earth to me
i was so lucky i thought

but it was a lie
it was a sham
giving up yourself
for someone who would not do the same

i hate myself for being surprised
that this didnt work out like it did
in my mind. (death cab for cutie qoute)

i promise myself now that i will not love another
i will not let another as close as i did you
for as long as this pain stays it will serve
as a reminder

i was so hesitant after ian because he was my first love
imagine everything that he did to me
how much i was betrayed by the person i left my life for
how hard it was to let you in, to love you

im sure that if we could live together
you would be by my side until you didnt want me
and that you would treat me right
and love me and only me

but today when we realised that you wouldnt
move down here for me,
even after i tried moving away for you once already
that i think broke off the last vein,

that kept my heart together.
to know that you do not love me
the same way as i love you
as strongly as i love you.

that shows that there is a crack in our cement
and that our relationship will fall
(just like ians) and i will be left on the floor
with nothing but rubble to call my own.

so now that i have got evidence behind my belief
next time i will be wiser before letting anyone
near my heart again.
thank you.