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Electrical Cocoon

Rating: 3.0
I’m drowning. In a sea of wires.
They are everywhere. Inescapable.

Frail solitary man there in your mottled,
Damp armchair of brown and cream roses,
Forgive me for this shuddersome strangulation.

A pounding thump on the radio –
It drowns you out. A new generations earmuffs.
Its deprivation leeching also the echoes
that stir us most: A hallowed church, incense
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Daniel Tyler 02 June 2006
'I'm drowning. In a sea of wires.' What an image to start off with and throughout, there is a feeling of isolation that modern technology has caused. I don't know if you ever saw U2's video for Electrical Storm with the drummer lifting the TV out of the sea, but that opening image reminded me of it. Well done.
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Gregory Gunn 02 March 2006
of course, I meant insert, instead of inser...duh?
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Gregory Gunn 02 March 2006
Thank you kindly for your recent comments on two of my poems. Any appreciation at all, for my modest attempts at decent poetics, is pleasantly and graciously accepted. Your opening sequence is strong, though would better be served with a lot less punctuation as would most of this poem. The theme you chose is poignant; the present day technology is indeed overwhelming & dehumanising, but some lines must be reigned in a bit. The 5th & 6th stanzas deliciously pop with fervour; however, the flow of the poem is hindered by an overabundance of periods & commas. In order to demonstrate what I mean, might the capa begin 'I'm drowning in a sea of wires inescapably everywhere.' Please don't think me overly critical, but as an upstart back in my early twenties, I surely could have used a lot more positively constructive criticisms of this nature, rather than the constant barrage of vague 'you're just not what we're looking for' or the ever popular ' your poems are suited to what we here at 'inser publisher's magazine name' aren't accustomed to right now. Read into that what you will, but no matter how hard I rewrite, deep into another night, I remain lost in the shuffle. Still hanging on, Gregory In short, seek out Wendy Mooney, her son Vink Oisin (hope I spelled it rightly) , Andreas Gripp, Hugh Cobb, Dreux Moreland, Rich Hanson, Max Reif, et al. They, no doubt, will never steer you wrongly. These are some of the best individuals at this site. Sincerely, Gregory
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Amberlee Carter 30 March 2005
this piece is very original..I'm happy to have come upon your work...It's interesting, fresh and real...Well done
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Ivy Christou 30 March 2005
I like this poem's style, it is different and hence unique. I also liked the concept. we are indeed drowned by wires.. well done HBH
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