Endless Blue Poem by Kevin Patrick

Friday comes, and then the night begins to taunt
Darkness smiles at my need to feel want
Someone to lie with and cuddle by the tv
Just for an hour, someone who wants to see me


I cruise online, scrolling carnal profiles
Wasting hours just to draw their wiles
Show them pictures, to lure them in my nest
Not for love, to feel I'm human and not a pest



If you could see me as I am, you will understand
The horror show it takes to always be this man
I want to feel like I am someone that I'm not
You can use me and never have to tie the knot


Excitement grows, when they start to chat.
A game of words between the mouse and cat
Play it right, and maybe they will come
And I can kill the feeling of always being numb


wait by windows, after midnight when its dark
Watching for cars to park, and strangers to embark
When they knock that's when I get the rush
That fever glow of everlasting lust


I want to be held like I'm someone's tender joy
Even though I know I'm just your Christmas toy
And when you stay it makes me feel I'm not a stray
And then you leave and then I know I was just pray



Its cruel in winter when the wind always moans
Because that's when I know I'm really alone
And so I lie here under a blanket I wish was you
Wishing sleep was death, to cure this endless blue


I thought sex made me human, it just makes me inhuman
looking for lovers but I only find monsters