Can I Live?

Falling And Floating - Poem by Can I Live?

What’s the point of living anymore?
A few good friends, but they can’t be here
They keep me afloat for now,
But one step and I could falter
Just one step
I could choose to take it and save the struggle
Or I could step away from this ledge
But I’m incapable of making this decision.
No one knows what lies beyond that tempting dark cliff
One false step
One second of faulty foot work
And I could slip over the edge into darkness
Some unknown force seems to pull me towards it
Maybe the darkness
Or the haunting of the unknown
Is my bitter destiny
And my fearful fate
Should I stay in the light
Take a step away from the edge
And never look back?
Should I step over the edge
And plunge into the darkness?
Part of me wants to

I ponder over the question
Of whether or not to stay here
And wait for the wind
An overwhelming decision
And as I wait the wind comes
It is as if it blows from all directions
Suffocating me
But most importantly keeping me in my unwavering position
Four forces working against each other

I am waiting for years balancing on that edge
And the wind comes and goes
But I never move or breathe

As I stand on the border of
Life and Death
Light and Dark
I only stand on the border of falling
And the wind comes and goes

After all these years
This time the air tastes different
First wind comes hard from the north
I almost fall right on over the edge of that cliff
Suddenly, from the south
The north again
Back and forth
Stronger and stronger it seems
I tumble over the edge into that darkness
And the weight residing on my shoulders is suddenly gone

I fall for miles it seems
Without sight or mind of how far I’ve come
Or how long it’s been
I try to turn myself upward to look at the sky
(Cloudy and raining)
The weak daylight fades to black
So I reach out to catch it
As if I could bring it back
My heart screams that I don’t want to die
(Bring it back!)
It’s no use
I’m gone forever

Still I fall

I feel my bones crack
As I land at the bottom in a large heap
At first
Only darkness
Then a light fills the deep canyon

There are people all around me
They are young and old
They are black and white

My bones are aching with dull pain
When I see the one
I’ve been longing to touch for years
Making the pain disappear
Only to be replaced by a sharp pain in my chest

The reason I ever balanced that edge in the first place
Him, the one I love

Running to him
I find myself running endlessly
Farther and farther away
So I stop, confused
Looking down
There are a million snakes below me
Winding into each other and around my feet
They are slithering up my legs
And biting my ankles
Their poison rushes into me
I feel death wash over me
(But aren’t I dead?
Is there death, within death?)
The thought is barely finished before I’m falling to the ground
Trying to get back up and keep running
(I can’t lose him again)
I run at a slower pace
But I do not care because I will run forever if that’s what it takes

After an hour or so of mindless jogging
Suddenly he is right in front of me
I stop close to him and look into his bright eyes

The unknown force

Bringing me here
I am no longer alone

Pointing down a long valley
He leads me through the wet grass
No longer covered in poisoned reptiles
We come to a forest and he tells me to go on without him
On the other side is a woman
Who is telling me to go back and bring him
I do not want to
For reasons unknown to me
I do not want to
But I go anyway
I take his hand and walk him through the trees
The oddly silent trees
There are no birds in this forest

When we find her again
She immediately reaches her skeletal hand into my chest
And as I look to my left I see she is doing the same to him with her right hand

In my heart I know what is happening
I am thinking about him
And he waited for me
I know that now

We are falling
I see him with one final glance
The woman’s hands are pulled away
Clutching white wispy souls in her bony hands

Thrown into the river beyond,

And so we float..

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Poem Submitted: Monday, August 7, 2006

Poem Edited: Monday, August 23, 2010

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