Far Too Much In Love I Was With Her (Sonnet Corona / Crown Of Sonnets) Poem by Gert Strydom

(for A)

I

Far too much in love I was with her
but probably she did not really love me,
while she became involved with another,
and I became her liability.

Crying I could hardly see
and although the parting was shattering
from her fighting rages I was finally free
and being alone at times was overwhelming

the parting is much better still
as she tried to stain my integrity
and at times did not have goodwill,
tried to hide from any responsibility,

destiny knew better about the things that ought to be,
my love, like an illness almost destroyed me.

II

My love, like an illness almost destroyed me
and on the balcony of the fifteenth floor
I was robbed from sense and sensibility
wavering to jump and land in a bundle of gore

but something spoke to my heart spoke to my soul
and I knew that all fair reasoning had left me
turned me into a animal, somewhat like a ghoul
and immediately I saw this as inadequacy

dealing with the situation of love lost
and step away from the beyond
spared myself the ultimate cost
of going on in death's bond:

seeing that you like a devil besieged me,
I stepped away and from you I was free.


III

I stepped away and from you I was free,
but I still wonder how you could take
gifts, flowers and poems from me
and in my back could at times rake

your nails and with subtlety
sometimes look me in the eye,
while sleeping around and being dirty
while slowly causing our love to die?

Was it the looks that your beauty had drawn?
that made you slip and ride the tide
or was their promise in each new dawn,
until truth rocked me like a landslide:

while I thought that our love was strong,
what you did to me was terribly wrong.


IV

What you did to me was terribly wrong
giving pain, more pain and joy and pain
as you carried on behind my back, went along,
but what did you really gain?

I wonder why you still at times call me
to tell me that you miss little things
and act sometimes sincerely
as if there are no endings or beginnings

and this was not really my making
and I have pain while you still laugh in glee
as you had made your choices in this undertaking,
destiny had forced me along, as things are to be;

like the withering, as time disposes
the dark red bunches of roses.


V

The dark red bunches of roses
grow among thorn upon thorn
and so it's with women clad in sheer hoses
and a gentle, humble one is still to be born.

Even if for love you do the right deed
it is sometimes filled with a canker,
even if to every caution you do heed
when you do further proceed.

Venus has led many men to disaster
into servant, follower
has stripped the good master
from all his power:

as witnessed by the scars that I bear,
from services to one not true but fair.


VI

From services to one not true but fair
at times sudden disaster sprouted,
as she undressed, let down her long hair
and in intimacy screamed and shouted.

It is a thing to be loved
but then quite another
to from a heart be removed
and then when I truly loved her

even the hairs on her arms did rise
when I reached out to embrace
my loving her was not wise
as she acted at times in disgrace

and now that time speeds faster than it did before,
I wish to have half my life back once more.

VII

I wish to have half my life back once more,
to live daily to what destiny brings
and now I do deplore
not having love's blessings

and it was painful when I went on my way,
to be deceived as she acted secretly
and was interested to kiss and play
with a friend very intimately

but live goes on with seasons and years,
and it brings joys, heartaches, pleasure and pain,
sometimes hours, days and months of tears
but with her I never want a relationship again

and to my death we will never again be together;
far too much in love I was with her