For My Beloved Jeanne Poem by Clyde King

The arms that embraced me,
That held our children,
That washed and tenderly folded
Our lives together like precious garments,
Are gone.

I see you and I look for you
Everywhere I go. Sometimes
I see you in a dream, from the
Corner of my eye, or hear your
Voice in another room.

I loved your dry country wit,
As dry as late summer grass.
You were a modest, guileless
Southern born and bred girl.
There was a southern gentility
About you that enchanted me-

With an unhypocritical charm,
A soft voice, a gentle way...

I'm sorry I didn't get the chance
To say good bye when you silently slipped
Into that good night. The nurse woke me to
Tell me you were gone.

How could you? How could you leave
Me after 42 years? I'd known you longer
Than anyone else. I'm alone and afraid
Of shadows and things I don't understand.

I caressed your hand and face
And kissed you for the last time
In this life: this place of wrath, pain,
And tears. You suffered far too much.

And I thank God that now you are asleep
In his loving embrace. Jesus declared that his father
Is "the God of the living, not the dead"
Because the dead are still alive in his memory,
Awaiting His call to live again.
And you will always be in mine.

You were my best friend.
I didn't appreciate it at times. I miss your
Wry comments on my grooming habits
And color choices in clothing. I'd look like
A clown in a patchwork suit if it weren't for you.
I'm lost without you now.

We, together, raised two beautiful girls.
You'd be proud of them. They miss you more
Than words can say. Amanda Marie, our "lovable
Bitterness, " and Andrea Lea, "a womanly meadow."
Those names are no coincidence.

We said harsh and cruel things
To each other. Please forgive me.
I didn't mean any of it. And I forgive
You for the cold, silent spaces that you put
Between us. That silence tormented me more
Than words.

You were always honest and faithful.
You honoured our marriage vows in front of God
And men. You made me a better man and I thank you.

When you died, part of me died too. When you love deeply,
You hurt deeply. If you're not willing to die for the ones you love,
Do you really love them? I'm thankful that I or our girls didn't die before you,
Else you would not have borne the pain.

We had a wonderful life.
I thank God you were my wife.

August 2018