Generic Heartwarming Christmas Movie Poem by David Welch

It seems that minutes after Halloween,
before we've even seen the first bits of snow,
the Christmas movies are flooding our screens,
and I think we know how they'll all go.

Start with an actress that's half-forgotten,
who in teen films once took off her clothes,
or maybe someone from and old sit-com,
the kind all the critics pretend to loathe.

Then start them off in a big city job,
like advertising or a department store,
their career is growing, but they still seem
to be yearning for that something more.

Then a parents gets sick, or they get assigned
to a project in a rustic small town,
and of course it is tied to the holiday,
it's up to them to get it off the ground.

Once they arrive there they fall for the charms
of a life far away from the rat race,
then bump into a man who conveniently
was blessed with a fashion model's face.

Sometimes they knew him back in high school,
or he's a single dad who's lost his wife,
with a cute child for her to adore,
aged six to ten…that sounds about right.

And through serendipitous machinations,
fate has them keep running into each other,
romance will blossom, both will deny it,
but it's obvious to the woman's mother…

And this will until they almost kiss,
but then one will back out of it in fear,
and then a dull boyfriend or fiancé
will, on some pretense, find themselves near.

The love-interest man will misunderstand,
think she was otherwise engagaed this whole time,
they'll have semi-harsh words, and separate,
and at this point the lead woman will find

Herself talking to a parent or mother,
who encourages them to stop and talk stock,
to ask themselves what's really important,
then the lead woman thanks her for the talk.

She redoubles on the task she was given,
save the ranch, save the festival in town;
there's a montage, it all comes together,
and then the love-interest comes around…

They talk awkwardly, and they clear the air,
awkward at first, then more confidently,
then there's a kiss, not a chaste one,
but not hot either, this is network TV!

Then all ends well, and some local figure,
may secretly be the real Santa Claus,
and the new lovers will watch him fly off
in violation of all nature's laws.

And I know ragging on all of these flicks
may make me come across as a jerk,
but I admit I've watched my share of them,
it's a formula, yes…but it works.