Giving Up Life Poem by Margaret Alice Second

Every year when we do Assessment with a
custom-made Assessment Instrument and I
have to explain why I have not changed into
a machine as yet

When I have to hide my fear of turning into a
robot and secretly rejoice that I have not lost
my feelings as yet - and everybody despises
me as a low achiever

And I receive a low mark for not being competent,
at all - I go through agony, I would LOVE to fit in -
would LOVE to turn into a machine if it could bring
me a feeling of safety

But I cannot kill my soul, stifle my spirit and destroy
my feelings, I don't know how to rejoice at the pros-
pect of killing myself, while I abhor being the most
lowly official alive

I live with the shame because I cannot disown my
inner self, I suspect giving up life is not my decision,
I have tried it before and it never worked - I'm stuck
with being me…