Glad To Be Alive And To Be Richard Sopko Poem by Richard Sopko

I'm glad that my face isn't riddled with holes
Because I've yet to duet with Beyonce Knowles
I'm glad that no knives are deep in my gut
Now that'd put my social life into a rut
I'm glad that I'm not boiled into a char
I've yet to waste my life hanging round in bars
I'm glad that my wife hasn't killed me in rage
Not once have I seen Con Air starring Nicolas Cage

Glad that I'm not ground to a pulp by multiple blenders
Not stabbed in the street by a sexually repressed transgender
That no rocks have fallen from a mountain or cliff
Never been eaten by a gargoyle named Griff
So glad that no train has crashed into my house
While sleeping my brain wasn't nibbled by a curious mouse
Or that no sumo from northern Peru
Crushed all my bones into a pasty white goo
I'm thankfully glad I've never been maimed
Or collapsed my chest in a tough football game
Dolphins have never grown legs and attacked me
Never climbed up and fell off a red wood tree

See, things really aren't that bad after all
You haven't died yet from a tumble or fall
Stop complaining unless you're dying or dead
Or perhaps there's an ax sticking out of your head
I'm glad to be here not dead in a coffin
Happy not to have avian flu and be coughing
I'm glad to be alive and to be Richard Sopko
Not to be fat ugly or dead and to be named Mopko