s./j. goldner

Rookie (March 2nd,1984 / USA)

Grey - Poem by s./j. goldner

she woke raring with the morning breathing the sea
and watched as the ketches drank silvery salt-tea.
she asked for the truth but didn't believe;
a future un-togged, now grimly foreseen.

Comments about Grey by s./j. goldner

  • (7/23/2007 5:32:00 PM)

    There is a hint of naivety & nakedness; a wish to stay in the past. Rgds, Ivan (Report) Reply

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  • (5/8/2006 2:47:00 PM)

    I don't want a mystery, I want 'What happens next? ' So I'll have to use my imagination.Damn.
    (Report) Reply

  • (5/3/2006 11:52:00 AM)

    Yes, there is a little mystery in your poem also....that makes for a very interesting read! Good title selection! (Report) Reply

  • (5/1/2006 11:30:00 AM)

    Hello SJ - nice to have you around!

    Picayune thoughts - if you are really from smalltown USA, why spell it 'grey'? That is VERY British. I know, it seems cooler - everything they do seems cooler, and we have to figure out how to live with that.

    What does un-togged mean - naked? If so, 'naked' might be a better word. Untoggled? That's an interesting thought. I don't get it it, but it's interesting!

    A ketch is a sailboat, right? Maybe you're from New England - I'll bet there are ketches there. We don't have them here in Minnesota I don't think. Maybe.

    'Grimly foreseen' makes me wonder about the logic of it all.

    1. She awakes vividly.
    2. She sees sailboat 'drink' sea-water - they're sinking? Bobbing in thre water?
    3. Tone becomes profound: truth and belief
    4. a possibly denuded future is revealed to her, and it ain't good.

    Do I have it about right?

    My suggestion is, answer all these questions somehow. readers, even smart ones, are dumber than you can imagine. We need everything figured out for us.

    Overall - I like your words. I like the fact you try to cram a whole lot of ambitious life into four lines. But I'm not totally sure what you want to say.

    Thanks for speaking up and best wishes - Mike F.
    (Report) Reply

  • (5/1/2006 8:49:00 AM)

    For a first read, I am impressed. The title fitted my feeling today, but your poem blew it away! lol I love your use of metaphor. 10 from Tai (Report) Reply

  • Lizzy Tomlinson (4/30/2006 12:46:00 PM)

    Hi. I agree with Sean. The title just sets it off too. (10) Lizzy.x (Report) Reply

  • (4/29/2006 4:05:00 PM)

    There is something so mysterious in this that I cannot fail to be impressed and intrigued.
    All the best, Seán
    (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, April 29, 2006

Poem Edited: Tuesday, July 20, 2010

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