How I Got These Scars Poem by Matthieu (Mateo) Belinski

If I could I would nail these hands to the edges of stars. I would sacrifice this body to the sky hoping to resurrect as someone spiteful enough to not care about you anymore.

Staple me to a cross. Pierce my side with a broken promise and I will bleed out all the crippled reasons why you deserve one more chance.

Loving you was the last thing I felt really good at.

I realized I was never really your boyfriend. I was just your hype man.

You wanna know how I got these scars?
I swallowed my pride and then it clawed its way out of my mouth.

If I could I would tie your arms to a daydream and then auction you off to my fondest memories.
I dipped my hands in forever. I touched you infinity, treated you as if you were the last molecule of oxygen inside of a gas chamber. I was...

... good to you.

I wrote this in my own spinal fluid, I put it on the backbone of a white flag so before you read it you'll already know that I've given up. I'll just keep you here. Shackled to the most important chapter of my life story pressed into the basement of my eyelids like liquid salvation so I remember how beautiful you are with amazingness underneath your wings and an orchid smile...

You fucking gorgeous earthquake.

You cracked hourglass with sand spilling from behind your ribs...

...you wasted my time.

You wanna know how I got these scars?
I ripped every last piece of you out of my smile.
How dare you linger on my lips and kiss me with the taste of my next 60 years.
Some days I wonder if you existed at all.
And of course, you wanna know how I got these scars.
I got these scars the day I fell in love with you.
I landed face first.

M. Belinski
6/16/2019
Presque Isle, Maine