Jeremy Nel

Rookie (1958 / Johannesburg, South Africa)

How Many Ways Can I Say Sorry? - Poem by Jeremy Nel

For hurting you, when you deserved fairness
For not being as understanding and caring as I could be
And reading what you in your ever gentleness
Wanted me to hear and see
Being blinded by my feelings, instead of loving unconditionally

For not loving you as you deserve to be
Loved unconditionally
Instead being adrift in my emotional sea
Feeling the rocks racing at me hellishly
And feel the panic of losing you rise in me, irrepressably

For not being a rock and steadfast
As I as your partner should be for you
For needing to know your past
To understand your emotions too
Then to seem to harbour it, in your view

For not seeming to understand your needs
When you love me so with so much compassion
And yet I seem blinded by my fears and deeds
Of all you love, your deep passion
When I feel endeserving of your gentle love

For my needs sowing in you discomfort
And tears, when it should be happiness
Love, gentless, caring and mirth
Not concern, pain, and sadness
Misery compounded by my selfish introspection

For not being gentle and understanding
When you needed your burden eased
But rather being selfish and unseeing
Blinded to your tears when you needed
My comfort and strength

I am so sorry my dear
For not being the comfort to you
For not holding you and wiping that tear
But pushing you to feel rejected
When you needed to be comforted

I am truly sorry for hurting you
For caring only about my sense of loss
When I should have shown my love for you
And my concern for your happiness
By allowing you to be yourself.

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Poem Submitted: Thursday, September 11, 2008

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