I Had The Time Poem by Melody McKinstrie

The time of my life,
It was what I had to spend.
I spent it taking care
Of various things.

Not the least of which
In fact it was the most
Was taking care of my Mother
Who needed me so much.

She was dependent.
Honestly I was as well.
I needed my Mom
To make me feel good.
She, while needing me
Offered me the chance
To bond.
And boy did we ever
We were more like best friends
Than just Mother and daughter.

How we spent the time,
To so many it might
Seem meaningless.
But to us it was a life
Less harsh.
Less empty.
We filled the gaps
In human interaction
Which as you know
Is so very necessary.

To some our life was small.
It was sedentary.
We mostly sat around
And watched TV.
I did the housework and chores.
I would play video games.
Just Pogo not real advanced ones.
And Poker on line for free.

My Mother had her rituals.
It was how she wanted to be.
Breakfast of a banana
And cheerios.
Giving our dog William
A few leftover cheerios
As a treat.

She watched the View
And then began her day.
Yes it was nearly twelve.
We were not morning people.

We would watch our soaps on ABC.
It really pissed us off
When they cancelled
One Life to Live
And All My Children
But we still had
General Hospital.
Boy was my Mom
In love with Sonny Conrinthos!
She loved his dimples!

She would take a nap
Then we would watch
The local news.
This led up to dinner
And her game shows
Of Wheel of fortune
And Jeopardy.
She could get the answers
To the first one
And was happy
When I came up with answers
For Jeopardy
It meant I had retained
Some knowledge.
My mind was not a sieve.

The evening would require
Dinner of some sort.
I was not a good cook.
My Mom really enjoyed
When someone other than me
Did that particular chore.
But she did not complain
Just so long as she had
Her sweets afterward.
Ask my family
Her asking for brownies
Or Swiss roles
Is legendary!

We had something else
That we watched faithfully
And that would be our beloved
Boston Red Sox
Baseball team.
She just adored Big Papi
David Ortiz.

Yes, for 162 games
We would be glued
To our TV
Watching our guys
Pitch, hit and field.
Listening to Jerry Remy
And Don Orsillo.
That they are no longer
Announcing together
Would make my Mother sad
She loved there banter
And their giggles were epic.

After the game
We would watch whatever
Caught our fancy.
Sometimes it was time
For the local news
And then we would watch
The Daily Show
With Jon Stewart
And The Colbert Report.
My Mom thought Steven Colbert
Was very cute.
He had a boyish charm
So his ego was tolerable.

Throughout the day
Her medical issues
Would be dealt with.
Taking her blood glucose readings
And giving her nebulizer treatments.
Taking her to the bathroom
Maneuvering her oxygen tubing.

My family members
Those that had the privilege
Of performing those actions.
They came to understand
My Mother's limitations.
They felt needed
By their ever loving relative.

I have experienced envy
At others more productive lives.
I have thought mine
So inconsequential.
So very minimal
In activities.
I have come to think
Of that time as lost.
But was it really?

I was living
At a slower pace.
I wish now I had done more
But don't we all have regrets?
Thinking to ourselves
I could have done this or that...
The only real thing that I miss
Is that I was not writing.
I could have written so much
Of that time.
Just little things
Like sayings of my Mom.
She had some good
One liners at times.

And our conversations!
She told me stories of her life.
She told me family secrets
Of which my sisters had no idea.
My Mother could be very closed
About some topics.
To me she opened up and shared.

I have no one to corroborate
On various happenings
Of the past.
I regret I was not taking notes.
It was similar to what I miss
About the family of my Dad.

So all in all
I had the time.
Experiencing life
I felt I lived vicariously
Through my siblings
Other family and my friends.

I miss my Mom
Would that I could spend
One more day with her!
Just saying over and over
I love you
I don't want you to go!

She would look at me
With her big blue eyes.
Words would not be said.
She would be overcome
With emotion.
If she said anything
It would be that she
Needed an Ativan!

Now as I contemplate
What to do with the remainder
Of my life,
Time is of the essence
Yes time is precious.
For us humans it is finite.
At least our bodies are.
Not sure about our spirits.
They might live on
In another dimension.
That is a whole other subject!